Saturday, 20 February 2010
06:17:01 AM (GMT)
Today has not been good for me.
So last night I had the most sleep this week! six hours a slumber. Then I completed
my lab report, that was due yesterday but I turned it in today at lunch. No one else
was in the room and it was just me and the teacher. I attempted not to start a
conversation with her and just leave the classroom, but unfortunately, she had to
talk to me. And I was thinking "Oh shit."
She said hello, and I replied back with a very awkward and rather unhappy hello. She
asked me about what happened with me and my lab partner. I replied that she and
weren't talking to each other very much because I was relatively busy. I said
nothing about the girl being an idiot to not take my phone and email. But never the
less it was my fault. And then she said you know this affects other grades too, and
she totally was making me feel worse than I was. I mean I never meant to and I
didn't do it on purpose. The person asked me two days before it was due. I should
have declined her. I knew I should have. I mean the previous ones I had just done by
myself. And I hate working with other people in assignments because I like to think
alone rather in a group of morons who care little of what I have to say.
I was crying when I came out of the class room. And I hate crying in front of people.
It makes me feel vulnerable and then if people see me cry, I feel like they're going
to attack me. So I started to hide my face with a folder and walk off all the stress
After lunch I had a test. I barely had my packet complete and I had only half the
notes of the class from sick days. I think I'm going to fail in history. I mean. I
really do. And this scares me. I'm so good at history! Why'd I have to go and mess it
up like that! But I mess everything up don't I. I just can't ever get my life
straight. How do I even help others? Some how I manage to patch things up with other
people, but then my life is like my room: A total chaotic mess. I mean, I don't like
others helping me. I know, strange. I like helping others but I don't like others
helping me. Just shrugging everything off and saying it's fine, I'm fine. I'm okay.
I know people look at me and see I'm a total freak, I don't care, I really don't.
But I don't like it when people lie about me. I don't like it when people
underestimate me, and think I'm worthless. I hate being treated like some moronic dog
that no one cares about. I really hate it. I don't get it sometimes. I really
And my throat hurts. So does my stomach. Grrrrrr.
There's my feeling for the day. Care little for them. They don't need to be cared
about. Just what's occupying my mind at the moment.