Sunday, 1 November 2009
09:25:51 PM (GMT)
You probably don't give a shit about this anyways, but.
Ignore this, unless you really want to know what this is about.
Which you probably don't.
Only one person involved in this will probably read it, anyways.
Okay. I get that you all say that you're "worried" about me, but it is my
life. Josh might try to take it too far, but if I wanted him to stop, I'll tell him.
If I don't want him to do something, I'll tell him to stop. If I'm not okay with
something, then he's going to stop. It might go too far too early, but if it does, we
both wanted it. Not just him. I don't give a shit if that makes me sound slutty, it's
true. Y'all don't know what I think about, y'all don't know what I want. Get over it.
And yes, he might hurt me. I don't think he will. Yes, I know I trust him way too
much, and that most likely will just get me hurt, if he does really hurt me. I know
that. I know I trust him too much. I know I'll probably get hurt. Yes, if he hurts
me, it's going to break me completely. I won't be able to handle it. But you
seriously know what? I don't give a crap if this sounds messed up or not: LET HIM
HURT ME. Let me get hurt and be broken completely. Let my heart break. At least I'll
have been with him. At least I'll know what true and complete bliss feels like. At
least I'll have fallen in love. I'll always be in love with him, I'll always want to
be with him. Even if he hurts me, and we get together again, and he keeps hurting me,
I'll let him. I know that sounds messed up, but I really don't give a fuck. Me
getting hurt is my business. It's his, too, but it's mainly mine. I trust him. I love
him. I believe he's not going to hurt me. If he does, oh well. That's his fault for
hurting me, my fault for believing he wouldn't. Let me live in this fantasy of mine,
where he's never going to hurt me, and him and me will always be together and in
love. If you truly care about whether he's going to hurt me or not, let me be happy.
Let me live in this fantasy, and let me get hurt. Just let me be happy. Even if I
cry, even if I look and am acting really sad, and I am sad, I'm always happy because
of that fantasy, and because I'm with him. This really is the happiest I've ever
been, but you're ruining it. Don't tell me all the shit y'all talk about. Don't.
Seriously. You say you're all "worried" about me, but if you are, you'll let me worry
about myself. I know I might get hurt. I know I might just be ruined if I am hurt. I
know there's really no might about that. I will be. But just let me worry about it. I
don't believe I'm going to. Don't tell me a bunch of bullshit that's just gonna hurt
me. All of y'all are the ones hurting me right now. Not him. I don't care if you
think I should know all of this. Especially the one who told me all of this. You're
supposed to be my best friend. You're probably more worried about me than everyone
else who claims they are, and you really may be, but if you're really are my best
friend, let me live in this fantasy. Let me be happy. Even if I'm sad, I still am
happy. Just don't tell me this shit. Just let me keep coming to your house. Just be
more... caring and concerned. Stop being so sarcastic. Stop being more sarcastic than
me. I know you weren't the one who started this conversation. I know you weren't the
one who brought this up. But... just... be my best friend and let me be happy. Just,
please, let me be happy. That's all I'm asking.
That turned out way more lovey-dovey in certain parts. It turned out way more
about my best friend, even though I'm not mad at her. I'm kinda pissed that she told
me about all this, but I'm not really mad at her. Even if it seems like I am, I'm
really not. But, still. If anyone actually read through all of that... wow, dude.
Last edited: 1 November 2009
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