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This diary entry is written by ‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥›. ( View all entries )
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Rant.Category: Whatever..
Sunday, 1 November 2009
09:25:51 PM (GMT)
You probably don't give a shit about this anyways, but.
Ignore this, unless you really want to know what this is about.
Which you probably don't.
Only one person involved in this will probably read it, anyways.

Okay. I get that you all say that you're "worried" about me, but it is my
life. Josh might try to take it too far, but if I wanted him to stop, I'll tell him.
If I don't want him to do something, I'll tell him to stop. If I'm not okay with
something, then he's going to stop. It might go too far too early, but if it does, we
both wanted it. Not just him. I don't give a shit if that makes me sound slutty, it's
true. Y'all don't know what I think about, y'all don't know what I want. Get over it.
And yes, he might hurt me. I don't think he will. Yes, I know I trust him way too
much, and that most likely will just get me hurt, if he does really hurt me. I know
that. I know I trust him too much. I know I'll probably get hurt. Yes, if he hurts
me, it's going to break me completely. I won't be able to handle it. But you
seriously know what? I don't give a crap if this sounds messed up or not: LET HIM
HURT ME. Let me get hurt and be broken completely. Let my heart break. At least I'll
have been with him. At least I'll know what true and complete bliss feels like. At
least I'll have fallen in love. I'll always be in love with him, I'll always want to
be with him. Even if he hurts me, and we get together again, and he keeps hurting me,
I'll let him. I know that sounds messed up, but I really don't give a fuck. Me
getting hurt is my business. It's his, too, but it's mainly mine. I trust him. I love
him. I believe he's not going to hurt me. If he does, oh well. That's his fault for
hurting me, my fault for believing he wouldn't. Let me live in this fantasy of mine,
where he's never going to hurt me, and him and me will always be together and in
love. If you truly care about whether he's going to hurt me or not, let me be happy.
Let me live in this fantasy, and let me get hurt. Just let me be happy. Even if I
cry, even if I look and am acting really sad, and I am sad, I'm always happy because
of that fantasy, and because I'm with him. This really is the happiest I've ever
been, but you're ruining it. Don't tell me all the shit y'all talk about. Don't.
Seriously. You say you're all "worried" about me, but if you are, you'll let me worry
about myself. I know I might get hurt. I know I might just be ruined if I am hurt. I
know there's really no might about that. I will be. But just let me worry about it. I
don't believe I'm going to. Don't tell me a bunch of bullshit that's just gonna hurt
me. All of y'all are the ones hurting me right now. Not him. I don't care if you
think I should know all of this. Especially the one who told me all of this. You're
supposed to be my best friend. You're probably more worried about me than everyone
else who claims they are, and you really may be, but if you're really are my best
friend, let me live in this fantasy. Let me be happy. Even if I'm sad, I still am
happy. Just don't tell me this shit. Just let me keep coming to your house. Just be
more... caring and concerned. Stop being so sarcastic. Stop being more sarcastic than
me. I know you weren't the one who started this conversation. I know you weren't the
one who brought this up. But... just... be my best friend and let me be happy. Just,
please, let me be happy. That's all I'm asking.

That turned out way more lovey-dovey in certain parts. It turned out way more
about my best friend, even though I'm not mad at her. I'm kinda pissed that she told
me about all this, but I'm not really mad at her. Even if it seems like I am, I'm
really not. But, still. If anyone actually read through all of that... wow, dude.
Last edited: 1 November 2009

‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   1 November 2009   200761  
...I read it all the way though.
Im am literally CRYING about this,
Im sorry though, i wont talk about it anymore... I just hate seeing
sad and i dont wanna see you hurt, so go ahead and live in your own
little fantsay and i will be trying to survive life in the real
He wont be texted you tommorrow morning thought, and its not my fault.
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   294358  
i was crying... D: probably will.
i don't care if you talk about it. i care if EVERYONE ELSE does,
and thank you, for god's sake.

but why? D: 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   1 November 2009   305577  
All everyone else says is they are worried about you and Toni was
saying she would not be sad for you if you get hurt.
I would extremely sad though.
Your welcome.
My phone is dead and crap and bull shit like that. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   732647  
I doubt they are truly worried. especially some of them.
and yeah.. you're my best friend, though. so.

oh. can't you charge it? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   1 November 2009   571564  
No, you didnt see shelby and brittni and reagan and sarah and toni's
faces. They are really worried but, toni thinks your stupid that you
wont just dump him already or tell him straight to his face that he is
going too fast.
Yeah. If you got pregnant or something you would be under house

‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   205352  
okay. well, fine then.
but i'm not dumping him. i don't give a shit what any of you think.
i'm not dumping him. and i don't think he's going too fast. if he
tried to actually have sex with me, i'll tell him he's going too fast.
but i'm still not dumping.
yeah. i have no flippin immediate plans to get pregnant, though.

oh. why? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   1 November 2009   184032  
well i mean, he felt up on you!...
Yeah, but im just saying, if you did.

my charger is at reagans house. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   811923  
yes, i know.
he even did that YESTERDAY. when we were at my AUNT'S house. we were
all alone, though. but still. it's okay. i'm too used to it now,

yeah. which, i'm NOT GOING TO. but, i get your point.

oh. D: 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   1 November 2009   217482  
Im just sayin I agree with u even if i dont know u. Live in ur
fantasy, its ur life.
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   976500  
go random person that agrees with me! xD

it's not a matter of agreement or not, though, really. 

but still. thanks. :D 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   1 November 2009   220366  
your welcome. sometimes you just need to be happy and sometimes it
ends in hurt but it makes u a stronger person. And Harleigh, look whos
talking -cough-@NeonMagenta 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   871630  
that's true.
the only reason anybody is thinking the things they are, is because
i'm not a strong person. i've never been one, and i never will be. i'm
hurt too easily.
but, still. you're right. 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   1 November 2009   878657  
i used to be to, but because of hurt i am now so strong i can just
look hurt in the eye and be like fuck, bitch, im stronger then u!

well, it still hurts but helps the healing process 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   1 November 2009   854246  
haha. xD

i'm nowhere near like that. i've been hurt, but not like what they
think will happen, but i can't be strong. i'll hurt too much. i don't
take hurt well. at all.

‹Rocking The Starz› says:   1 November 2009   556489  
thats okay, because by this rant and comments i know u have amazing
friends who will help u through this. u can do it girl. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   693613  
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   646199  
.....why did he do that?

‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   890617  
idk. he wanted to.
and i kinda wanted him to. i don't care if he does it. it's okay.
that might make me sound like a slut, but i don't care.

SithWedgie says:   2 November 2009   875019  
^_^ read it, and the comments.  I won't tell you not to do it.  All I
really have to say is that If you ever want to talk about anything, or
simply vent, I won't tell and I'll do my best to give feedback that is
centered around your lasting happiness. 

Be warned though ;D I look at the long term, not the short term.

^_^ I hope that you have lasting happiness with him, and if it does
end in some heartache that you learn and become a wiser person after. 
*big hug*
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   254737  
thank you. :D

and yeah, i hope so, too. <3 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   699982  
Ive known the boy since the day i was born, (literally).
And id never thought hed even think of "feeling up" on any girl,
Especailly my best friend. Me and this boy has been best friends
forever. I just dont wanna see Cheyenne hurt.
....Okay... then. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   221388  
dude, i'm okay with it. there's nothing wrong with it. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   944689  
Im sorry.
Its just... weird. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   187384  
it's fine.
and how is it weird? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   119234  
As i said... Ive been his friend, for like...ever. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   288981  
yeah, but still.
how is it weird?
that doesn't explain how it is. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   731242  
Ive never imagined he was...like that.
I mean, i KNOW he is a teenage boy, but still. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   540941  
duh he's a teenage boy.
but i still don't understand how it's weird.
because it really isn't. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   298505  
Dude, my two friends falling in love..
Thats weird. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   394144  
are in love.

but how is it so weird? explain. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   418134  
I cant.
It just is though.... 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   488480  
no, it's not.
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   404397  
It may not be weird for you because your the one in love!!!
You cant see it from my point of view!!! 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   494227  
it's the farthest thing from weird for me.
but if i was in your position, i wouldn't think it's weird.
at all. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   595518  
just shut up already...
There is absolutely NO WAY for you too understand what is going on in
my head right now. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   230635  
if you say so. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   439311  
Im being fucking serious. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   999284  
god. okay.
no need to get pissy. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   791591  
Im not the one getting pissy.
Have you told josh about any of this? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   218590  
well, i'm not pissy. so. or, well, not right now anyways.

i told him about what they said at the party. i told him yesterday.
we really didn't get to talk about it, though. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   171435  
What did he say? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   589381  
i don't remember.
i told you, we didn't really get to talk about.
we'll probably talk about it again, though, some time. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   501205  
Please dont. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   802606  
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   713236  
because he will end up, not talking to me. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   931366  
why do you think that? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   764453  
Because hes josh.
And i dont want him to stop talking to me. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   541698  
you're not gonna stop me from talking to him about this.
him and i talk about everything, so. you can't stop me.
i know you don't want me to talk about this with him, but i want to.
even when i don't want to talk about something with him, i still talk
about it, so.
you can't really stop me. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   960078  
I bet he wont talk to me again. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   215435  
it's not like i mention your name.
i don't mention names.
unless i'm being a bitch and decide to talk about things jason said to
me when i was at your house and he was, too. that's the only time i
name names, really.
and if i do name names, i won't mention yours.
unless we discuss how clingy you are along with this conversation, so. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   332686  
Just let me know what he says please.
And you cant really talk about that without names. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   755617  
i don't have to mention your names.
and who really gives a fuck if i mention anyone else's?

fine. i will.
once him and i talk about this again. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   982768  
how will you say it? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   681961  
say what?
like, how i'm gonna bring this up?
or, what? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   101133  
how are you gonna bring it up? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   467135  
i have to wait for him to text me, anyways.
i'll tell you what i say when i say it, okay? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   172142  
Has he texted you at all today? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   418538  
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   837757  
ohhh. okay.
Is he eating? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   575211  
i think so. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   673441  
Just stopped replying? 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   151036  
yeah. D: 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   794481  
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   338352  
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   863664  
Um um um um.
You have cussed!! 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   115669  
don't make me repeat myself. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   981381  
Sorry just had too. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   485616  

‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   328523  
I wanna feel weightless, cause that would be enough. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   880532  
...what was the point of that?

‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   396489  
No one will ever change this animal i have become. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   334454  
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   109102  
You gotta help me out....[Skip some lyrics]
Dont blame me... 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   185720  
dude. -.- 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   886103  
Thats what you get for waking up in Vegas. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   469027  
you're just trying to totally piss me off now. 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   122782  
[no, im making sense. Keep asking questions, ill answer them with
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   500970  
you're really not. but whatever.
guess what i have to do tomorrow morning, though? 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   529216  
You gotta, You gotta give it up. 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   251794  
i have to go to the flippin elementary from, like, seven to 7:30,
because my mom has to go to some work thing.
damn. it sucks. D: 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says :   2 November 2009   289357  
Its something unpredicatble, but in the end its right, i hope you have
the time of your life. 

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