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This diary entry is written by ‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥›. ( View all entries )
 
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Rant.Category: Whatever..
Monday, 2 November 2009
02:25:51 AM (GMT)
You probably don't give a shit about this anyways, but.
Ignore this, unless you really want to know what this is about.
Which you probably don't.
Only one person involved in this will probably read it, anyways.





Okay. I get that you all say that you're "worried" about me, but it is my
life. Josh might try to take it too far, but if I wanted him to stop, I'll tell him.
If I don't want him to do something, I'll tell him to stop. If I'm not okay with
something, then he's going to stop. It might go too far too early, but if it does, we
both wanted it. Not just him. I don't give a shit if that makes me sound slutty, it's
true. Y'all don't know what I think about, y'all don't know what I want. Get over it.
And yes, he might hurt me. I don't think he will. Yes, I know I trust him way too
much, and that most likely will just get me hurt, if he does really hurt me. I know
that. I know I trust him too much. I know I'll probably get hurt. Yes, if he hurts
me, it's going to break me completely. I won't be able to handle it. But you
seriously know what? I don't give a crap if this sounds messed up or not: LET HIM
HURT ME. Let me get hurt and be broken completely. Let my heart break. At least I'll
have been with him. At least I'll know what true and complete bliss feels like. At
least I'll have fallen in love. I'll always be in love with him, I'll always want to
be with him. Even if he hurts me, and we get together again, and he keeps hurting me,
I'll let him. I know that sounds messed up, but I really don't give a fuck. Me
getting hurt is my business. It's his, too, but it's mainly mine. I trust him. I love
him. I believe he's not going to hurt me. If he does, oh well. That's his fault for
hurting me, my fault for believing he wouldn't. Let me live in this fantasy of mine,
where he's never going to hurt me, and him and me will always be together and in
love. If you truly care about whether he's going to hurt me or not, let me be happy.
Let me live in this fantasy, and let me get hurt. Just let me be happy. Even if I
cry, even if I look and am acting really sad, and I am sad, I'm always happy because
of that fantasy, and because I'm with him. This really is the happiest I've ever
been, but you're ruining it. Don't tell me all the shit y'all talk about. Don't.
Seriously. You say you're all "worried" about me, but if you are, you'll let me worry
about myself. I know I might get hurt. I know I might just be ruined if I am hurt. I
know there's really no might about that. I will be. But just let me worry about it. I
don't believe I'm going to. Don't tell me a bunch of bullshit that's just gonna hurt
me. All of y'all are the ones hurting me right now. Not him. I don't care if you
think I should know all of this. Especially the one who told me all of this. You're
supposed to be my best friend. You're probably more worried about me than everyone
else who claims they are, and you really may be, but if you're really are my best
friend, let me live in this fantasy. Let me be happy. Even if I'm sad, I still am
happy. Just don't tell me this shit. Just let me keep coming to your house. Just be
more... caring and concerned. Stop being so sarcastic. Stop being more sarcastic than
me. I know you weren't the one who started this conversation. I know you weren't the
one who brought this up. But... just... be my best friend and let me be happy. Just,
please, let me be happy. That's all I'm asking.




That turned out way more lovey-dovey in certain parts. It turned out way more
about my best friend, even though I'm not mad at her. I'm kinda pissed that she told
me about all this, but I'm not really mad at her. Even if it seems like I am, I'm
really not. But, still. If anyone actually read through all of that... wow, dude.
Last edited: 2 November 2009

Comments 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   200761  
...I read it all the way though.
Im am literally CRYING about this,
Im sorry though, i wont talk about it anymore... I just hate seeing
sad and i dont wanna see you hurt, so go ahead and live in your own
little fantsay and i will be trying to survive life in the real
world.
He wont be texted you tommorrow morning thought, and its not my fault.
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   294358  
@NeonMagenta 
i was crying... D: probably will.
i don't care if you talk about it. i care if EVERYONE ELSE does,
though.
and thank you, for god's sake.

but why? D: 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   305577  
@NeonTurquoise 
All everyone else says is they are worried about you and Toni was
saying she would not be sad for you if you get hurt.
I would extremely sad though.
Your welcome.
My phone is dead and crap and bull shit like that. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   732647  
@NeonMagenta 
I doubt they are truly worried. especially some of them.
and yeah.. you're my best friend, though. so.

oh. can't you charge it? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   571564  
@NeonTurquoise 
No, you didnt see shelby and brittni and reagan and sarah and toni's
faces. They are really worried but, toni thinks your stupid that you
wont just dump him already or tell him straight to his face that he is
going too fast.
Yeah. If you got pregnant or something you would be under house
arrest.

nope. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   205352  
@NeonMagenta 
okay. well, fine then.
but i'm not dumping him. i don't give a shit what any of you think.
i'm not dumping him. and i don't think he's going too fast. if he
tried to actually have sex with me, i'll tell him he's going too fast.
but i'm still not dumping.
yeah. i have no flippin immediate plans to get pregnant, though.

oh. why? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   184032  
@NeonTurquoise 
well i mean, he felt up on you!...
=[
Yeah, but im just saying, if you did.

my charger is at reagans house. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   811923  
@NeonMagenta 
yes, i know.
he even did that YESTERDAY. when we were at my AUNT'S house. we were
all alone, though. but still. it's okay. i'm too used to it now,
anyways.

yeah. which, i'm NOT GOING TO. but, i get your point.

oh. D: 
 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   2 November 2009   217482  
Im just sayin I agree with u even if i dont know u. Live in ur
fantasy, its ur life.
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   976500  
@Jojo22 
go random person that agrees with me! xD

it's not a matter of agreement or not, though, really. 

but still. thanks. :D 
 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   2 November 2009   220366  
@NeonTurquoise 
your welcome. sometimes you just need to be happy and sometimes it
ends in hurt but it makes u a stronger person. And Harleigh, look whos
talking -cough-@NeonMagenta 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   871630  
@Jojo22 
that's true.
the only reason anybody is thinking the things they are, is because
i'm not a strong person. i've never been one, and i never will be. i'm
hurt too easily.
but, still. you're right. 
 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   2 November 2009   878657  
@NeonTurquoise 
i used to be to, but because of hurt i am now so strong i can just
look hurt in the eye and be like fuck, bitch, im stronger then u!


well, it still hurts but helps the healing process 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   854246  
@Jojo22 
haha. xD

i'm nowhere near like that. i've been hurt, but not like what they
think will happen, but i can't be strong. i'll hurt too much. i don't
take hurt well. at all.

yeah. 
 
‹Rocking The Starz› says:   2 November 2009   556489  
@NeonTurquoise 
thats okay, because by this rant and comments i know u have amazing
friends who will help u through this. u can do it girl. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   693613  
@Jojo22 
:D 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   646199  
@NeonTurquoise 
.....why did he do that?
D=

Yeh. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   890617  
@NeonMagenta 
idk. he wanted to.
and i kinda wanted him to. i don't care if he does it. it's okay.
that might make me sound like a slut, but i don't care.

yeah.. 
 
SithWedgie says:   2 November 2009   875019  
^_^ read it, and the comments.  I won't tell you not to do it.  All I
really have to say is that If you ever want to talk about anything, or
simply vent, I won't tell and I'll do my best to give feedback that is
centered around your lasting happiness. 

Be warned though ;D I look at the long term, not the short term.

^_^ I hope that you have lasting happiness with him, and if it does
end in some heartache that you learn and become a wiser person after. 
*big hug*
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   254737  
@SithWedgie 
thank you. :D

and yeah, i hope so, too. <3 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   699982  
@SithWedgie 
Ive known the boy since the day i was born, (literally).
And id never thought hed even think of "feeling up" on any girl,
Especailly my best friend. Me and this boy has been best friends
forever. I just dont wanna see Cheyenne hurt.
@NeonTurquoise 
....Okay... then. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   221388  
@NeonMagenta 
...gah.
what?
dude, i'm okay with it. there's nothing wrong with it. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   944689  
@NeonTurquoise 
Im sorry.
Its just... weird. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   187384  
@NeonMagenta 
it's fine.
and how is it weird? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   119234  
@NeonTurquoise 
As i said... Ive been his friend, for like...ever. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   288981  
@NeonMagenta 
yeah, but still.
how is it weird?
that doesn't explain how it is. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   731242  
@NeonTurquoise 
Ive never imagined he was...like that.
I mean, i KNOW he is a teenage boy, but still. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   540941  
@NeonMagenta 
duh he's a teenage boy.
but i still don't understand how it's weird.
because it really isn't. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   298505  
@NeonTurquoise 
Dude, my two friends falling in love..
Thats weird. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   394144  
@NeonMagenta 
Correction:
are in love.

but how is it so weird? explain. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   418134  
@NeonTurquoise 
I cant.
It just is though.... 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   488480  
@NeonMagenta 
no, it's not.
really. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   404397  
@NeonTurquoise 
DUDE!
SHUT UP!
It may not be weird for you because your the one in love!!!
You cant see it from my point of view!!! 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   494227  
@NeonMagenta 
exactly.
it's the farthest thing from weird for me.
but if i was in your position, i wouldn't think it's weird.
at all. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   2 November 2009   595518  
@NeonTurquoise 
just shut up already...
There is absolutely NO WAY for you too understand what is going on in
my head right now. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   2 November 2009   230635  
@NeonMagenta 
if you say so. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   439311  
@NeonTurquoise 
Im being fucking serious. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   999284  
@NeonMagenta 
god. okay.
no need to get pissy. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   791591  
@NeonTurquoise 
Im not the one getting pissy.
Have you told josh about any of this? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   218590  
@NeonMagenta 
well, i'm not pissy. so. or, well, not right now anyways.

i told him about what they said at the party. i told him yesterday.
we really didn't get to talk about it, though. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   171435  
@NeonTurquoise 
....D:
What did he say? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   589381  
@NeonMagenta 
i don't remember.
i told you, we didn't really get to talk about.
we'll probably talk about it again, though, some time. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   501205  
@NeonTurquoise 
Please dont. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   802606  
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   713236  
@NeonTurquoise 
because he will end up, not talking to me. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   931366  
@NeonMagenta 
why do you think that? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   764453  
@NeonTurquoise 
Because hes josh.
And i dont want him to stop talking to me. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   541698  
@NeonMagenta 
dude. 
you're not gonna stop me from talking to him about this.
him and i talk about everything, so. you can't stop me.
i know you don't want me to talk about this with him, but i want to.
even when i don't want to talk about something with him, i still talk
about it, so.
you can't really stop me. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   960078  
@NeonTurquoise 
whatever.
Fine.
I bet he wont talk to me again. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   215435  
@NeonMagenta 
god.
it's not like i mention your name.
i don't mention names.
unless i'm being a bitch and decide to talk about things jason said to
me when i was at your house and he was, too. that's the only time i
name names, really.
so.
and if i do name names, i won't mention yours.
unless we discuss how clingy you are along with this conversation, so. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   332686  
@NeonTurquoise 
Just let me know what he says please.
And you cant really talk about that without names. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   755617  
@NeonMagenta 
i don't have to mention your names.
and who really gives a fuck if i mention anyone else's?

fine. i will.
once him and i talk about this again. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   982768  
@NeonTurquoise 
how will you say it? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   681961  
@NeonMagenta 
say what?
like, how i'm gonna bring this up?
or, what? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   101133  
@NeonTurquoise 
how are you gonna bring it up? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   467135  
@NeonMagenta 
idk.
i have to wait for him to text me, anyways.
i'll tell you what i say when i say it, okay? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   172142  
@NeonTurquoise 
Has he texted you at all today? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   418538  
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   837757  
@NeonTurquoise 
ohhh. okay.
Is he eating? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   575211  
@NeonMagenta 
i think so. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   673441  
@NeonTurquoise 
ohhh.
Just stopped replying? 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   151036  
@NeonMagenta 
yeah. D: 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   794481  
@NeonTurquoise 
Awww.
D= 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   338352  
@NeonMagenta 
stfu.
D: 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   863664  
@NeonTurquoise 
Um um um um.
You have cussed!! 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   115669  
@NeonMagenta 
...wow.
D:
don't make me repeat myself. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   981381  
@NeonTurquoise 
ROFLMAO.
Sorry just had too. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   485616  
@NeonMagenta 
stfu.

D: 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   328523  
@NeonTurquoise 
-.-
I wanna feel weightless, cause that would be enough. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   880532  
@NeonMagenta 
...what was the point of that?

D: 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   396489  
@NeonTurquoise 
No one will ever change this animal i have become. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   334454  
@NeonMagenta 
dude.
seriously.
wtf? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   109102  
@NeonTurquoise 
You gotta help me out....[Skip some lyrics]
Dont blame me... 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   185720  
@NeonMagenta 
dude. -.- 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   886103  
@NeonTurquoise 
Thats what you get for waking up in Vegas. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   469027  
@NeonMagenta 
okay.
you're just trying to totally piss me off now. 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   122782  
@NeonTurquoise 
[no, im making sense. Keep asking questions, ill answer them with
lyrics.]
PENIS! 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   500970  
@NeonMagenta 
no. 
you're really not. but whatever.
guess what i have to do tomorrow morning, though? 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says:   3 November 2009   529216  
@NeonTurquoise 
You gotta, You gotta give it up. 
 
‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥› says:   3 November 2009   251794  
@NeonMagenta 
i have to go to the flippin elementary from, like, seven to 7:30,
because my mom has to go to some work thing.
damn. it sucks. D: 
 
‹<[SnuggleMonster]>./[<3]› says :   3 November 2009   289357  
@NeonTurquoise 
Its something unpredicatble, but in the end its right, i hope you have
the time of your life. 
 
 
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