Wednesday, 23 September 2009
10:32:39 PM (GMT)
You Know You're from New Jersey When...
* More than one of the following were shot in your high school: A movie, a sitcom, a
music video, and a student.
* You have a female friend named Bruiser and a male friend named Pretty...and they
went to prom together.
* You'll walk across the mall to find a working escalator rather than trudge down
* You (and everyone around you) stiffen a bit as you approach the end of the
* You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York or Texas,
and almost everyone from Jersey pronounces it "JURzee."
* "The Oranges" are not fruit. "The Meadowlands" are a swamp. And you can't take the
Jersey out of the "PNC" Arts Center.
* You cannot drive thirty miles without passing a major pile-up, which often involves
a Kenworth and an out-of-state BMW.
* You know how to merge.
* You know New York drivers are maniacs, but their car speeds max at 40 mph.
* You know Pennsylvania drivers are afraid Leatherface will catch up to them if they
go below 115 mph.
* If you can't see the stars, just drive for a few miles and you'll be in the
* You know highways that have 35-cent and $6.00 tolls one hundred feet apart.
* You can throw a quarter and dime like ninja shuriken as you whiz through the toll
booth at 45 mph...and you have to, because you have to cross twelve lanes of traffic
on the other side to get to the exit 60 feet away.
* Everyone has a light. Further, every Jersey Boy owns a zippo that he can open,
light, and close with two fingers.
* You've been seriously injured at Action Park.
* Your friends taught you well; "never sit below the kid with the ice cream cone,"
"never touch the yellow snow," and "never, under any circumstances, look at my sister
that way again."
* You have either blown a tire or lost a shoe (or both) in a pothole.
* You know that the only difference between the tunnel with no light at the end
and the Parkway is that the Parkway has rest stops.
* It's "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags" and you went there on a school trip.
* You know the blue/red track always beats the green/yellow track on Rolling
* You know someone who knows someone who knows someone who was attacked by a
spirit/monster/rabid sparrow on a Weird NJ trip.
* You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
* You remember when a soap truck collided with two other trucks and demolished the
Denville/Route 80 bridge in a bubbling disaster.
* You know what "Ironbound" means.
* You know someone with a 30' backyard and a 25' above-ground pool.
* You've eaten breakfast at a diner (particularly while stoned, drunk, crying, or
dressed like a freak) at 3am.
* You know a hard roll with butter is a good, cheap breakfast.
* You know it's prepackaged meat...and it's safer that way.
* You know to never drink tap water, to hold your breath when you go over bridges,
and not to open your eyes in Staten Island or they'll turn brown.
* Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.
* You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.
* You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
* You know that the state isn't all farmland.
* You suspect that the state is 5% mall parking.
* You have a prejudice against radio DJs.
* You remember when Hoboken was poor.
* You remember when Jersey City was safe.
* You remember the Garden State Plaza when it was just three magic beans next to
the Paramus Park Mall.
* You looked for rats out the windows of the PATH train.
* You smile knowingly at tourists who complain to the police that a homeless
person tore their clothes off, slathered them in grape jelly and licked it all off
after being given five dollars.
* You know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
* You know someone who still calls it "Slayerville."
* You know what a "jug handle" is.
* You can properly negotiate a Circle.
* You knew that the last two questions had to do with driving.
* Being wedged in traffic between four speeding 18-wheeled trucks doesn't frighten
you, and you don't understand why other people think it should.
* You've been down Annie's Road.
* You've stopped for a deer, bear, cow, or large dog that tried to stare down your
* You've been seriously injured by a paintball.
* Double or triple parking isn't illegal as long as no one is coming.
* WaWa is a convenience store.
* Someone caught you singing in your car.
* You've wondered what the giant Lumberjack on 440 has to do with carpeting.
* You know coffee is only as good as the person making it...but IHOP is different
from all others.
* You know, at 4am on a Sunday, you can have dinner, alcohol, a movie, and cigarettes
delivered to your house.
* You know there are no "beaches" in Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you don't
go "to the shore," you go "down the shore," and when you are there, you're not "at
the shore," you are down the shore."
* You know anyone who precedes "Parkway" with "Garden State" is a tourist.
* You can identify three cultural groups in any five block radius that feel at least
two other groups have invaded their personal space.
* You visit the traveling carnival in more than three towns.
* You know nine pizza joints on one street aren't enough (because there are more than
nine kinds of pizza).
* You know "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.
* Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and you call it a "sub" not a
"submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagie" or a "hero."
* Bad Chinese food can kill someone.
* You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.
* You went on the Palisades Mall Ferris wheel before it began sinking into the
* You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.
* You know that this is the only "New" state that doesn't require "New" to identify
it (...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire).
* You know how to translate this conversation: "Jaeet yet?" "No, Jews?"
* You can identify a person's hometown by their choice of slang.
* You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The
* You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast
* You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.
* It's "mootsalel," not "mot-zer-RELLA," and use of the words "string cheese" is a
* Even your diner waitress pronounces names of food correctly in their native
* You know that all diners have the same menu, and you know never to order steak,
grits, seafood, or hash if you wish to live.
* In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.
* You know that a large puddle with level ground on either side may contain a
pocket that will swallow a Honda.
* You still own a pair of ripped jeans.
* You don't think "What exit" is very funny.
* You think it's perfectly normal for a bar to be situated on the island of a
* You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
* You are still searching for the Route 46 WEST exit from Route 17 South.
* You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
* You know that no respectable Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for tourists.
* It's not 95. It's the Turnpike. 95 goes down the coast. The Turnpike goes through
* The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school, work or local bar.
* You live within 20 minutes of at least three malls, six movie theaters and nine
* You see someone walking across the street and you aim your car towards them.
* You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
* You recognize that smell, but can't describe it. It's like fish, garbage, roses and
salt. We call it "Eau de Staten Island."
* You have no idea what Newark and Elizabeth smell like, but you know it isn't oil.
* No, you've never wondered what's buried in the Meadowlands, but you have seen a
brush fire there.
* You would never go to the Pine Barrens alone.
* You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
* Every year, you had at least one boy in your class or office named Tony, and one
girl named Marie.
* You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
* You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.
* You know there is a "new" and an "old" 17...but the only (ONLY) thing on old 17 is
* If you can safely navigate the entrance and exit to the Garden State Plaza,
you should be qualified to pilot a fighter jet.
* You remember a time before the 17/4 cloverleaf when the intersection was one of the
most dangerous in the country.
* You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.
* Everybody's grandmother makes the best lasagna, and you know not to forget
* You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.
* You have walked 1.99 miles to school.
* After the airports were closed, your school finally released you due to inclement
weather...after which point you walked 1.99 miles home because the roads were unsafe
* Someone one your bus was permanently injured through their own stupidity (example:
hanging out the window and clipping a mailbox)
* You were one of the cool kids on the Avenue or the Corner.
* You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
* You know that people from North Jersey go to
Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South
Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way.
* You were not raised in New Jersey. You were raised in either North Jersey, Central
Jersey or South Jersey.
* You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.
* Trenton is to New Jersey as Washington DC is to Connecticut. It's an important
place, south of us.
* When you say you're going to Englishtown you mean you're going to the flea market,
not the town.
* You know that asking a Jersey girl of Italian descent if she knows the mob can be
more dangerous to your person than asking the mob if they know any Jersey girls of
* You've been in a mosh pit for an elevated garage band.
* You're happy to pay New Jersey's high car insurance premiums because it keeps all
the people who can't drive from moving to the state.
* You know two towns, each a mile wide, where the average salary differs between them
by several hundred thousand dollars.
* You aren't afraid of bears, but you are afraid of spiders.
* You NEVER, NEVER pump your own gas.
THIS IS THE START OF ANOTHER PAGE LIKE THIS ONE ^
but it has some really really good ones, so ignore the repeats
* You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the
* You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.
* You think a mountain is that big freakin' hill in Atlantic Highlands.
* You know Asbury Park is no longer the mecca of East Coast resort towns.
* Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Englishtown
Auction for cheap stuff.
* You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.
* Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May.
* You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.
* You can smell and know when it's low tide.
* The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar.
* There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin' way... "yous
gotta problem wit dat?"
* You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage.
* You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.
* You know what skeeball is and you can get three 50's in a row.
* You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants
in New Jersey.
* You've run out of money on the Parkway.
* You're Italian.
* You know where to get the best bagels and pizza.
* Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.
* You say "water" weird. (Wooder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever).
* Even your school made good Italian subs.
* You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a
tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano.
* You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.
* You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros.creation.
* You only go to New York City for day trips.
* You know what a "jug handle" is.
* You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.
* You've eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll...and like it.
* You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.
* You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in New Jersey if the Nets
* You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)!
* In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.
* Route 18 doesn't freak you out at night.
* Because your town was founded before 1776, all the restaurants, taverns and shops
have "ye," "olde," and "colonial" in their names.
* You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.
* You once said, "It smells like New York in here."
* You've waited for the damn drawbridge for more than 20 damn minutes.
* At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen.
* There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.
* "Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell" is your attitude.
* You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word "damn" while driving.
* You don't take any shit from anybody. Especially from someone from New York,
because you live here for christ's sake and just who the hell do they think they are
anyway? Invading our damn beaches and bars, they're just here for the damn summer and
they think they own the damn place and....
* You've gone to the race track with twenty different daily double bets from twenty
* You've spent St Patrick's day in Belmar.
* You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a supermarket, but actual
* You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast.
* One time, a sea gull shit on your head.
* You've eaten at a Windmill, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen times.
* You know what a "benny" is and can pick one out at the beach.
* You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin' Donuts.
* You're an aggressive driver.
* At least 5 people in your immediate family have asthma.
* Your drinking water should not be used for drinking.
* Your town has more water restrictions than people living in "dry" states i.e.
Arizona, and Nevada.
* Potholes are as common as mosquitoes.
* You believe pigeons carry hand guns.
Last edited: 23 September 2009