Thursday, 28 May 2009
06:33:46 AM (GMT)
This is the worst thing that ever happened in my whole lifetime...
Ive seen it happen a lot on T.V. but i never thought it would happen to me in real
Here is where i wanted to regret ever being alive and the moment where my heart
I was in school and i got called down to the office so i could be driven home.
Officer Bower, Ms. Cornell and Mr. Hallenback was there when part of this
I could tell my grandma has been crying a lot.
She started tearing up and came over to me and hugged me and whispered in my ear
this: "Your father shot himself this morning"...
When i heard that, i almost fell on my knees and i cried on my grandmas shoulder for
I couldnt breathe and i was thinking, wow, how could my father do this, how? I
couldnt do anything about it cause he was all the way down in Oklahoma along with the
rest of my family...
He got heartbroken once with my mother, now this gf does the SAME exact thing to my
He couldnt take it anymore and he couldnt bear the pain...
He shot his gf 3 times and her bf 9 times with the gun... Then he took the gun and
shot and killed himself..
Before that he left my grandma (the one down in O.K.) a note before he did all
I dont know what all of it said but i know parts of it..
Parts of it were: "Tell Harley not to be mad at me and tell her that i love her" and
"Take care of my dogs" (because he loved them and he had 3 dogs, 2 pitbulls and 1 a
Me and my grandmother and everyone else went and sat in the living room and she told
me what went down..
I just stared at the floor confused and lost..I cant even comprehend all this, i just
cant believe this...
After everyone talked and left i went in my room and bursted into tears holding my
fathers picture in my hands, close to my barely breathing chest...
I cried and just kept crying. I cried so much that my eyes were bloodshot and they
were swelled up and they were starting to burn everytime i blinked...
I didnt eat a thing and i was going to starve myself..
I went to the Boatlaunch having suicidal thoughts of how i could fall into the Hudson
River and drown myself and how and if they were gonna find my body if i was going to
I got a call from my mom on my cell and she told me that the cops were looking for me
so i went home..
Not even an our later, the detectives and cops were at my house.
One of them were talking to me and finally he got to his point. I had to go to the
hospital cause of what i said, "I dont wanna live and i wanna see my father again and
the only way i could do that is if i kill myself".
He said that either i could go up to the hospital the easy way which was going with
them in the detective car, the hard way was calling the Rescue Squad and have them
strap me down on a garney and take me in the ambulance...
I went the easy way.
Me, mom, and grandma and the detectives were all up to the hospital and i stood
A woman put a bracelet on me and i had to go get changed into hospital clothes.
My mom and grandma were there with me but eventually my grandma left but my mom
stayed with me while i was laying in a hospital bed.
Different counselors asked me questions and a nurse took my blood.
I felt trapped, depressed, dumb and heartless...
I wanted and thought about my father while i was in that hellhole.
I eventually fell asleep but i kept my ears open just in case.
I was in the hospital for almost 5 hours.
I arrived there around 8:30 and left at 1:00 am.
The doctors said that i needed to be with my family now but i have to go back to see
if they can put me in rehab, if i dont go back then i will have to go to Mental
Health for a very long time for counseling..
If i could i would be dead right now with my father up in heaven but God doesnt want
my soul yet cuz i would've had the guts to find my razor and slit the top of my
wrists and that would be it, if he wanted me.
I dont go to school because of Suicidal Precautions and i am being watched 24-7.
I got my life on lockdown for now and it might stay like that for a real long time.
Im sorry to all my friends and everyone who cared for me.
I have to shut out all my friends and even the love of my life, Ethan.
I cant even call my friends or go outside..
Im doing all this for you daddy, now since you (my life), is gone, my life is gone...
But im not mad at you, never would i be, and im not blaming you for anything, but i
will talk to you tonight, as i do every night, and hopefully you will hear me while
you are up in heaven and one day, sooner or later, i will be up with you and we will
be reunited again forever and ever.. I love you daddy, i love you and all my friends
and i just want you all to know that ill be fine, weather im in rehab somewhere or at
home suffering, im fine dont worry about me....
And remember everyone and to everyone who read this Everything happens for a
reason...This all happened for a reason...
THE SONG BY NICKLEBACK: SOMEDAY, IS DEDICATED TO THIS...