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This diary entry is written by ‹EvenTheStarsRefuseToShine♥›. ( View all entries )
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FinallyBroughtMyselfToWriteIt.Category: Emotions
Thursday, 19 March 2009
03:56:39 PM (GMT)
I don't know if i'll actually give this to him.
But i need to vent.
So here goes.

This is going to be hard, for me and you.
But here goes.
I always thought you were the greatest Dad ever, you were the man i looked up to.
You always smiled and i loved it, we used to have that saying "Even when we're apart
i'll always be with you"
It made everything special, like a secret between you and me.
I look back at photos and you look so happy.
Not really a man i know anymore.
It seems things have changed.
I don't know if it was Papa's death that caused it, but i wish you weren't the way
you are.
Maybe you reverted to drinking to block the pain.
I don't know and probably never will.
But as time goes on, i find you're becoming unbearable.
You wonder why i don't talk to you, but really i just don't know what to say.
I come home and you're on the phone.
I don't want to interrupt your buisness so i go to my room.
Seems work is really important to you these days.
Anyway, as night draws you're different.
Yes, i'm not stupid, i know you've gone and had alcohol.
You can't pretend you haven't, because it's fairly obvious.
But it's becoming like a nightly ritual, and you wonder why i'm sad? Why i'm angry?
Why i bite your head off?
You probably don't remember everything you say do you?
Well i'll tell you.
You can get nasy.
Your words sting, you maybe don't realise it, but i remember our conversations.
You however probably don't.
The things you say, they really hit home.
I can't talk to you anymore.
Because the man i knew has gone.
He's been replaced by this...creature.
A creature that can't wait for his next injection of alcohol.
I want you to get help.
But so far the councillor is useless.
One day, you're going to push me too far.
I'll leave and i won't come back, i won't speak to you.
I still love you, but i want my old father back.

Rachelmissesyou says:   19 March 2009   166222  
megan thats so sad
i like that
‹EvenTheStarsRefuseToShine♥› says:   19 March 2009   372332  
It's true Rachel.
Not a story or a poem or crap.
This is actually my life.
poetic_justice says:   19 March 2009   567938  

Just vent it all out. 
‹EvenTheStarsRefuseToShine♥› says:   19 March 2009   449431  
Has to be done, because i have now figured if i don't i shall start
exploding at people.
And we don't want that!
‹ifONLYtonight.› says:   19 March 2009   681621  
 ): awww u alrytttttt?
am ere fr u
ur dads cool tho 
like my mum drinks 24/7 for years nd years ;/ she doesnt do anythin
about it.
Itss ok i suppose like towards me but she pushes stuff too faar.
Mibi u shld give ur dadd a chancee ;/ its not his fault really..
things change .. people change.
Maybe hes havin a rough time .. you cant just say oh dad you've
changed i aint speakin 2 u anymoree.
talk + sort things out (:
‹EvenTheStarsRefuseToShine♥› says:   19 March 2009   972475  
Nadia, he's been like this for years.
I remember crying as a little girl when he walked out.
I don't know what to say.
He always makes the conversations about money.
‹ifONLYtonight.› says:   19 March 2009   579593  
O.O urmm wellllll i say talk buut );
i caant say anythingg much moree 
xcept live with meee ;L ly
‹EvenTheStarsRefuseToShine♥› says:   19 March 2009   617266  
Thankss anyways babee
Freddy83 whispers:   19 March 2009   494978  
that is soo sad! I am sorry!
‹EvenTheStarsRefuseToShine♥› says :   19 March 2009   739369  
Thanks, guess thats just life
*Huggles back*


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