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This diary entry is written by ‹♥Vampiric Love♥›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: So this is me all the way. in category (general)

No one reads these anyway...Category: (general)
Saturday, 26 December 2015
08:45:05 AM (GMT)
I... I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like I
have to hide everything about me from everyone and it's slowly killing me inside.
I've never been happy with my body. Never been comfortable in it. I hate and fear
mirrors mainly because I see myself in them. Lately I've been playing with the idea
that maybe just maybe I'm not who I'm suppose to be. I'm trapped in the wrong body. I
started identifying as bigender a few months back. I mean I'm obviously male but I
don't feel male, at least not fully. I don't think so. I can't tell anyone this. I
have no one who really would understand. They'd all probably shun me and disown me.
And on top of that I'm also not Christian anymore either. So I have to hide both my
religion and my own identity from everyone because if I don't everything will fall
apart. I'll lose everyone. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even sleep
because of it. It hurts... At least I can write all this shit down, maybe putting it
down will help ease the load a little bit. I don't know. I need help or something. I
want a rewind button. Just start from scratch, from the very beginning. Before I was
even born...

Beccaa says:   27 December 2015   651622  
I wish I could tell you not to worry because it'll all work out but I know it doesn't help. But I will tell you that trying to hold everything together for everyone else won't ever help you. Fuck what other people think. Just because the people around you think a certain way doesn't mean everyone else will. I understand what you're going through. I wasn't in the exact situation but I know what it feels like to hate seeing yourself, to feel like if you be who you actually are no one will accept you. I know it's difficult to maintain a "fuck everyone I'm the best" attitude, but if no one else will accept you, all you have is your own acceptance. Regardless of what you choose and how you feel about yourself, I'll be here supporting you through all of it. Your well being and your sanity mean so much to me even if things aren't and won't be how they used to be. I apologize if this coming from me upsets you. It's not my intention but I do want you to know you're not alone and if I ever stop hurting you, I am here. I always will be even if it doesn't seem like it. You're worth while and you deserve to be anything you want to be. You deserve the chance to explore who you want to be. It's your life and you can make it whatever you want to. You're important. You're intelligent. You're deserving of everything and anything, Austin.
‹♥Vampiric Love♥› says:   27 December 2015   810892  
Thank you Becca. I'm glad to know I still can count on you to make me
feel a little better. 
‹Nicole Dennisse› says:   3 January 2016   324541  
Austin, I know we haven't talked in over a year,but if you need to
let it all out and talk to someone I will be there to listen to you
and help you in any way that's possible.
‹♥Vampiric Love♥› says:   4 January 2016   748007  
Thank you, that really means a lot  
SoundOfMadness says:   8 January 2016   302548  
You can always have me to talk to. I've had several people be in the
same situation you're in and I wanted to be there for them and as far
as I could tell, it helped them. I know this is late because you wrote
this late December but I'm always late on things and just know you're
an amazing person and I'll fight anyone who says shit about you. I'm
not in the best situation at the moment, but I would drop all my
problems just to help someone.
‹♥Vampiric Love♥› says :   8 January 2016   506434  
Thank you, you're so sweet 


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