Thursday, 7 August 2014
03:53:09 AM (GMT)
This is a new Ouran High School Host Club fanfiction I wrote (It had absolutely
nothing to do with my other one, Speak of Love). Enjoy!
Description/Summary/Warnings: After a deadly car crash, Tamaki is dead and
Haruhi's happiness is all gone. The pain of the lonely world is something she can no
longer bear. *Character death, possible trigger, OOCness, very mild sexual content*
The World Will Still Turn
The cherry blossoms still bloomed.
The sun still rose.
The world still turned.
How does the world act as if nothing has happened? As if it hadn’t just lost one
of its most beautiful features; maybe even the most beautiful. It acts as though
Tamaki meant nothing; like he was nothing.
Even the host club still continued, like entertaining stupid girls was more
important. Everyone cried for a week—no eye drops needed. After that, they carried
out their mourning period with artificial tears because it made the girls happy to
see the “love” the other hosts had for their lost king. Happy girls equal more
money, right? But now, after a year, everyone seems absolutely fine. How could they
simply forget what he did for them; how he’s changed all of them? I can’t forget.
I’m still crying over him.
A razor became my best friend soon after his death. It saddened me every time I
would cut my skin because I knew Tamaki would be disappointed in me. The only reason
I continued is because I could almost hear his voice every time the cool metal
touched my wrist.
‘A young lady should never mark her skin in any way. It only takes away from her
‘As your father, I am supposed to do everything in my power to preserve you. So
please, Haruhi, don’t do this to yourself. Daddy loves you.’
When the razor sliced my skin and the blood would begin to appear, I remembered
the times we spent together: days at the host club, dates on the weekend, vacations
to local destinations, and nights filled with passion. As the blood oozed, my
thoughts of him were amplified and it was almost as if he were still with me; like my
memories were actually something that was happening right then.
But then as the blood began to dry, I remembered why I was doing it in the first
place. I remembered the car crash and seeing his limp, lifeless body next to me in
the backseat of the car.
‘If you wouldn’t have asked for a ride home, you wouldn’t be cleaning up
your own blood right now.’ I would think after every session. Tears would
almost always follow.
Kaoru was the only one who ever noticed the cuts. He comforted me and told me
everything would be okay. He became a replacement of sorts, and even more so when our
bodies gave into each other. Kaoru’s body was different than the one I had
previously become so accustom to, but when I closed my eyes it was as if Tamaki was
the one making love to me instead. I would run my fingers through Kaoru’s red hair,
but I only pictured blonde locks in my mind. And though I knew honey colored eyes
were the ones really looking at me, all I saw when I closed my mine were violet ones.
Kaoru knew all of this, yet he still continued. He didn’t even care when I would
let Tamaki’s name cross my lips or begin to cry after my fantasy ended when he hit
his climax. He would just clean up and hold me close.
Last night was our final night of love-making. The routine went as usual with me in
my imaginary place and him enduring my countless whispers of Tamaki’s name. Upon
his release I would cry and he would clean up. But that night, with tears in the
corners of his eyes, he told me that he couldn’t keep doing this unless I would
finally accept that he was not Tamaki
But no matter how much it pained me to see him like that, I couldn’t accept it.
I left that night with a hole in my heart even bigger than it was before. Kaoru was
my final thread of sanity in my world that began crumbling down a year ago. He was
the Tamaki I could no longer have.
I honestly don’t know how to deal anymore. I feel as though I’m drowning in a
sea of nothingness. Everything that had ever meant anything to me is gone. It had
never registered until just now that my life was meaningless. When my only love left
this world, he took a large part of me with him, leaving behind only an empty shell
of a human being. I’m already a dead inside, so why not be dead on the outside too?
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to see Tamaki again. I hope he forgives me being
partially responsible for his death and for everything I’ve done to myself because
Tonight has to be the night I go because I don’t think I can stand to see another
sunrise or another cherry blossom floating in the wind.
So with those beautiful violet eyes in my mind for encouragement, I lightly touch
the smooth metal to wrist. With a bit more pressure I start to see small beads of
blood. With even more, it runs in small streams down my arm and drips onto the
bathroom floor. It’s the same color as roses he always gave me.
As the blood began to pour heavily from my left wrist, I quickly made another
deep swipe on my right one. The crimson liquid spilled out at an alarming rate and my
vision began to get blur.
When I fell to the bathroom floor, I heard a voice I had missed dearly; one that
made me smile even in my weakening state. One that let me know I was doing the right
thing and assured I would be happy once again.
“No need to feel sad anymore. Daddy’s waiting for you Haruhi.”
Peace was the only thing I felt at that moment. Leaving this world is a blessing,
now made better by the fact that I would be reunited with the one I’ve loved ever
since I first laid eyes on him. I won’t be leaving anything behind worth much and I
know the people I once called friends will mourn. But then after they realized I’m
no longer relevant to their lives, they will continue living as if nothing happened,
just as they had done with Tamaki.
The cherry blossoms will still bloom.
The sun will still rise.
The world will still turn.
And for the first time in a long time, I will feel happiness.
In my final breath, I whispered back to the smooth, soothing voice, “I love you
After the initial darkness of death, I was engulfed in a familiar embraced I had
missed. I looked up to see Tamaki looking down at me with kind eyes and a smile
plastered on his face.
“I love you too, Haruhi.”