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This diary entry is written by sleepy_chan. ( View all entries )
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so frickin sadCategory: (general)
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
03:21:57 AM (GMT)
i'm so sad .....
he always says he will do anything to make me happy (using eggplant stationery again
because i'm sad) and yet he always puts his homework above me, i mean, i know that it
is so selfish of me to say but like....i'm not somebody who places a lot of value on
homework and he does and i don't really understand it and it hurts. like tonight all
i wanted was to hear his voice for 5 frickin' minutes but he had to finish
this homework assignment and he had to go to bed early. i mean 5 minutes?
really? you can't stay up for 5 more minutes? he said he was really sorry but i still
don't get it. i mean, do you know how many meals i've skipped eating and nights i've
skipped sleeping because of him? i mean, of course i do not expect him to skip
meals/sleep. and he didn't ask me to do those things, i did them on my own , mostly
because of anxiety that is beyond my control. but it still makes me sad
sad....because he doesn't even realize that i did those things, i mean there isn't
much point in telling him since it's not his fault and i didnt want him to feel
guilty . no, i don't want him to feel guilty or miss sleep or any of those things at

 but i really wish that he would act like he actually wants to talk to me. it just
hurts so much. trying for 3 hours to do homework, barely able to focus because im
expecting a phone call from him and then he says that he can't because he needs to do
homework. it just makes me feel like such an idiot. god, i always get too freaking
attached to everything and carried away and then i realize how much of my life takes
place in this fantasy world of mine and that i'm not nearly as important as i think
and it just sucks
oh not to mention, i just really really want to talk to him. more than anything else
right now. no more of this email bullshit i mean i want to talk face to face or at
least over the phone but nope

‹Dragonborn› says:   29 January 2013   624629  
Ohh...sad....maybe when he gets a break? like on the weekend or
sleepy_chan says:   30 January 2013   253469  
well the thing is that yesterday *was* break. we had off of school
because of icy roads
and i tried to talk to him about this today but once again he went to
bed at 8 30 tonight. makes me sad. makes me think he doesn't want to
talk to me. but when i am with him in person he seems very eager to
talk to me. it's strange
‹Dragonborn› says :   30 January 2013   197422  
Ohhh...I see....darn...hmmm....perhaps he's looking for a balance?


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