Saturday, 3 September 2011
04:55:52 AM (GMT)
I went to a small school, and at the time, cutting didn't seem like a big issue. I
didn't really know anyone that did, other than myself. I was more of a burner anyway.
Since I have met my girlfriend, who used to cut, I have noticed that it is a much
bigger problem for many people. Looking around this site has made me realize how many
people struggle with this, and I wish I could help them all. Jesse has only cut once
since she met me, and I put a stop to that quick. We made promises.
Her and her friend Ashley started making butterflies for each other, where they
either drew them on each others arm and if they cut before it went away, then the
butterfly died, or my preferred method, which involves drawing one on paper, and
making a verbal agreement: If she cuts, then she has to bring me the butterfly and
burn it in front of me. I have drawn two so far, and I put a lot of time into them. I
also gave her the letter that I wrote to her the first night I met her. I waited to
give it to her a few weeks later, but now it is on the list of potential fuel for the
fire. I have made it a point to put a butterfly on everything I give to her, and she
knows our agreement. So far, it has worked.
I understand cutting. I really do. I know that everyone has different reasons for
doing so, and I won't pretend like I know what anyone is going through. I just
understand. Sometimes the pain of the world is too much to deal with. Sometimes you
just need to focus on one specific thing so your mind doesn't drive you insane.
Sometimes you need to see yourself bleed to know that you still exist. Sometimes you
just . . . have to, or at least it seems that way.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
Four words don't mean shit, I understand that, but hear me out. There is help. People
love you. Even people that don't know who you are care about you. I have read several
diaries tonight from people I don't know, and I have so much sorrow in my heart for
them. I wish they would maybe talk to me, listen to what I have to say. Maybe I could
be there for them at least a little bit. I don't know, maybe I try too hard to make a
difference that I can't make, but I wish I could. I will try my best.
I know that likely nobody will read this, but if somehow it catches someone's eye,
then I have this to say:
If you need help, talk to me.
If you just want to hear a different opinions on things, I will listen and say what I
If you know someone who cuts, draw them a butterfly. Right now. Give it to them as
soon as you see them.
Talk to them.
Be there for them.
It's the least you can do, and even if it doesn't make a difference, at least you
Don't give up.
There are so many things in this life to discover, so many beautiful places,
So many things that can't be explained, so many questions to answer.
So many books to read, movies to see, games to play, parties to attend.
In the grand scheme of things, this life doesn't mean much, but in my opinion, why
not find out everything there is to find out?
Or at least give it your best shot.
I didn't think I could make a difference.
And more than just cutting.
I helped prevent drug use, suicide, and a possible misdiagnosis of Schizophrenia.
It's amazing how much difference a presence alone can make.
Just being there, being the shoulder to lean on, being the comforting voice, the ear
to listen, can change everything.
I hope somebody reads this, but if not, I won't stop trying, and I hope you won't
While there is still life, there is still hope, and do you really want to be the
person that sat back and did nothing?
I know I wouldn't.
Cutting is a serious problem, and one I can understand and relate to, but that
doesn't mean it has to happen.