Wednesday, 23 December 2009
01:04:35 AM (GMT)
This year I've had to make the hardest decission of my life, sadly.
A) Be with my friends
B) Branch off, go my own way and have a new beggining.
It was a really tough decision for me, especially because I'd been going to school
with the same people for 10 years, but I chose to go my own way and start all over.
Since then, my friends have all changed. They know I wouldn't approve, so when I ask
them what they've been up to, they lie. The funny thing is, is that I know what they
do, and they act as if i don't.
One of my closest friends' life is being taken away by illegal substances and
alcohol. All of this is happening to them, yet I still remain the innocent girl I've
always been. I guess this is just another way of life saying "Welcome to Highschool".
I find it a cruel change in life, but one that was necessary.
Ontop of all of this, I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not sure if many people have this
problem, but I'm surely one of them. I have a serious problem where I take other
people's problems to heart. By this I mean, for example, if my friend just got
dumped, I feel as much pain as she does. Or if someone has depression, their
depression is mine aswell. I suppose I could stop this, but I also feel the need to
help EVERYONE out with their problems, no matter how big or small, untill they feel
better. This usually takes alot of time, and when other people have problems, that's
all I can think about. I've had to cut off people from my life because I simply can't
take it anymore. I have a million peoples problems on my shoulders and more then
often I have breakdowns because I feel so bad. What makes me feel even worse -
thinking about how much those people who I've had to cut off from my life feel like
after I stopped talking to them.. such a jerk move, I know.
And, if that isnt bad enough, one of my family members whom I'm VERY close with was
diagnosed with a deadly disease and has been fighting it since '06, another close
family member has depression, another has annorexia, another has ADHD, and then
theres me. I have a disease aswell, or, had. I had a disease when I was very little,
and to my dissapointment, it's comming back. I looked up the causes of it comming
back, and one of the number one answers was Stress. Ugh D:
No, I'm not looking for sympathy. And no, I don't want people commenting this saying
they feel bad for any of it, because all of this stuff has formed me to be who I am
today - An overly mature, generous, loving, artistic, clumsy girl who cares for
everything and everyone. Litterally.
Well, thats all for today. I suppose this is a bit too personal for my first Kupika
entry.. But I'd rather have people know my story while I'm still here to tell it, One
entry at a time.