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This diary entry is written by Insaniity. ( View all entries )
 
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You know your obsessed with fucking Twilight when...Category: (general)
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
08:28:01 PM (GMT)
...You make a freaking useless note on the basis that your life is consumed by a
sparkly male that exists in the mind of schizophrenic pre-pubecent females. 

Seriously, how many "You know your obsessed with twilight when..." notes there are?
They say the same things, over and over and freaking over again. I mean really, get a
life!


Really. Twilight fever is sweeping the nation, and perfectly normal females are
enslaving themselves to crappy writing and a sparkly stalker. I have real problems
with these books. Like, I will physically maim the next person who tells me
"OMFGWTFBBQSAUSEEDWARDCULLENISSOHAWTOMGIWOULDTOTALLYTAPTHAT!" I will find a sharpie,
and shove it up their right nostril. I mean, fuck this! Twilight is complete shit.

Lets talk about deal Eddikins, shall we? 

I've asked some people to actually TELL me what they like about darling Eddykins, and
heres what I got.

I WUV Eddykins cuz he cans read MIND. 

Sure, thats not creepy at frigin ALL. 
"Hi! want to meet my boyfriend? He sees you, and can instantly tell what kind of porn
you've been watching in the last eighteen days!"
For someone as pathetic as Bella, she probably wouldn't mind. Theres too little to
read in the first place.
   
 Because of his velvety, sexy, smooth, amazing voice
It's a voice, not a set of drapes. "Why sir, your voice! It glides so sleekly over my
upholstery! So smooth! So soft! So sumptuous! Did you get it from Ikea?

 Because he's old-fashioned. 

And so are steam engines, and type writers, and gramophones. Last time I checked,
there wern't many people who wanted them in their pants.

    because he is civilized.

"What's for lunch? Oh, Bella's vagina"


    Because he has a perfect bod.
    So dose Chuck Norris


    Because he cares about Bella's safety. 


Ohhh, so that's why he mentally and emotionally abuses, stifles and manipulates her
until she's so completely dependant on him, she can't think of anything besides their
sham of a relationship.

 
    Because he prefers brunettes! 
OMGICILES! RWAALLY? ZOMGG! U TIS A BRUNETTES TOO! SO ISH A THWIRD OF DA' WORLS
POPULSHIN! THEN EDDIKINS LUBBS ALL OV USH! WE TIS SO SPECHUL!!1!1!
    
    Because he's masochistic. 
Dictionary:
mas-och-ism–noun
1. Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering,
physical pain, and humiliation.
2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or
imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others,
esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.
3. the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.
4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.


    because he's extremely eloquent. 

“Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were
stars –points of light and reason….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor.
Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you
were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black.
nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by light. I couldn’t see the stars
anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”

    Because he's a vegetarian vampire. 

Because he is a travesty of a powerful cultural symbol. 
   

Just for laffs....

    "Because only he can dismember a sentiment body stylishly
    Because im a Edwardholic
    Because everyone feels like swiss chess when they aren't with him
    Because in a scale to 1-10 in hotness he's a katrillion zillions of infinites
    Because he's oober greath at note passing
    Because he's unique in a cool, un-emo/goth/schoolshooter way.
    Because he has flippy hair
    Because you can't come up with 200 reasons why you love ur real boyfriend
    Because he makes girls delusional (hello he's mine LOL)
    Because he calls you spider monkey
    Because we all secretly own two Twilight copies
    Because were not sure if he's a zombie, cause he's definitely got my brain
    Cause he made me forget my name
    Because he makes all the living men look dead.
    Because he's ya noe, and im not just sayin that because I love him
    Because he bleeds glitter and cries topaz.
    Because he makes addiction sexi
    Because he makes everything sexi (EXCEPTION: mike newton)
    Because we all secretly have a "Edward wants to do me!" face
    Because he's that boy
    Because he has a melodic chuckle.
    Because he left his heart with me now he has to come back for it, right?
    Because he said he's my prisoner
    Because he's better than your fictional boyfriend
    Because he hears voices in his head
    Because I like my men cold, dead, and sparkling
    Because he'll cut my brakes...because he loves me
    Because penguins are lovely
    Because he can climb into your room through your window
    Because his crooked smile makes you forget to breathe
    Because we're all eager for eternal damnation
    Because he's the right kind of heroin
    Because he's welcomed to tamper with my memory anytime
    Because he's always there
    Because he's the reason for many divorces and break-ups( I should know)
    Because he throws people to the sharks


You fucking twitards make me lol (:

Comments 
Grubgru says:   24 June 2009   816824  
HEY EDWARD IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN!!!!!!!!!
 
Insaniity says:   24 June 2009   865537  
...who stares intently at you while you are sleeping. Nomnomnom,
delicious -._-.
 
StrawberrySHOCK says:   24 June 2009   274748  
:D If this had a favorite button, it'd be FAVEFAVEFAVEFAVE'd by me
over a million times.
Edward is a stalking pedophile! -head/wall- And he SPARKLES! Oh
JOY.
 
‹goodfornothing› says:   24 June 2009   574686  
<3
 
‹Jasper? Hale yes!› shouts:   25 June 2009   748892  
Hey!
Edward is the best!
STOP RUINING TWILIGHT FOR ALL THE FANGIRLS!!!

Everytime someone mentions ANYTHING about the Cullens in a negative
way, another fangirl dies.
I'm long dead.
Thanks.
>=[
 
‹Syndromic_Wonderland› says:   25 June 2009   617354  
.......

TWILIGHT CAN GO DIE

And dude, you don't have to read this or even comment if this annoys
you.
This is for the enjoyment of all anti-Twilight. 

Another fangirl dies? I suppose that means the world would be one less
of a twi-hard. That is not the case however because fangirls do not
die. Unfortunatley, they are immortal somehow. You're exaggerating too
much.

Do you even have the slightest clue how annoying it is when someone
brings up the topic of Twilight?

I want to murder the Cullens.
However, they are fictional.

Do I have to spell it out for you? F-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-L, fictional!
That means that Edward is not real. Nor is Jacob. Or Alice, or
whatever. 

Oh, and you're welcome!
 
lollylovex3 says:   25 June 2009   699135  
At first I was in love with Twilight, then after realizing how darn
feminist Bella is, how much a stalker Edward is, and how twisted,
cheesy and stupid Twilight really was, I hated it. I ish now a hater.
Wonderland is correct; he is fictional and in fact, you are dazzled
and falling in love with a bunch of words? Wow, Twilight lovers are
soooo funny. 
I think that Twilight totally ruined vampires. It is beyond ghey, and
what THEY GLITTER?! Wow, magical...
Meyer IS a good writer, but this plot is just too stupid. I hate
Twilight, kthxbai
 
‹goodfornothing› says:   25 June 2009   586692  
^
I really enjoyed the Bella had to be such a feminist, but the plot was
so extremely sexist. It was like, "hey, it's okay that Bella
gives girls the bad image as the housekeeper that relies entirely on
her boyfriend, because she foolishly tries to sacrifice herself on
numerous occasions! And that makes it a feminist novel!"
*headdesk*
 
Insaniity says:   26 June 2009   523133  
Its okay, let the pathetic Twilight//Edward lovers come, maybe they
will have some sense knocked into the section of their brain where
they keep their Eddypoo porn -._-.
 
‹*Expired*› says:   27 June 2009   818815  
ZOMG LAWL!
You.Are.FABU.
<333 XD
 
Phishy says:   27 June 2009   245225  
"What's for lunch? Oh, Bella's vagina"
Hahahaha, nice one.
I'm not a big Twilight basher, but I definitely dislike it more than I
like it, and this is hilarious. Very good job on this, for sure. : )
 
‹<:.Sierra;StruckBySilence.:>› says:   27 June 2009   545372  
GO die all you Twilight Lovers!
 
LaLaGal says:   27 June 2009   519499  
Twilight is really good!!! Don't ruin it 4 every1 else
 
‹{Viva}♥La♥{Vida}› says:   27 June 2009   216845  
I used to love Twilight, but then I read Darren Shan >:D

Yup. Edward's not even that hot! And Rob Pattinson is actually gay! (I
heard him saying something about him having a boyfriend in the
Twilight commentary)
 
Insaniity says:   27 June 2009   844756  
LaLa, stop ruining this note for everyone else :x

And ^^^, Theres nothing wrong with being gay, but it dose throw off
the uhhh... twilightness of the movie Twilight
 
‹TheRulerofNightmares› says:   28 June 2009   622376  
"Everytime someone mentions ANYTHING about the Cullens in a negative
way, another fangirl dies." 
Really?! YES! I found a way to kill of those dumb fan girls once and
for all!

I love this page! I feel this way about Twilight! It stinks so bad.
And it has tons of plot holes. I found lots of them, and I never read
the books. I got them all from people blabbing on to me about them.
-_-"
 
poetic_justice says:   30 June 2009   455711  
So smooth! So soft! So sumptuous! Did you get it from Ikea?
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU~

Bella Swan...taking back feminism annother hundred years.

Twilight is just like a bad fanfiction.
Except without the slash, which just makes it even worse D;
‹*Expired*› says:   2 July 2009   933837  
"Because you can't come up with 200 reasons why you love your
real boyfriend"
"Because I like my men cold, dead, and sparkling"
"Because Penguins are lovely"

Lol, it's WIN WIN WIN!
XD
 
samiluvsu2332 says:   2 July 2009   315372  
"What's for lunch? Oh, Bella's vagina"
That made me laugh soo hard even though i like twilight, but im not
obbsessed with edward at ALL
 
xXxXxTwilightGalxXxXx says:   19 July 2009   537969  
this is just sad................... i feel sorry for you!!
 
Danielle10 says:   19 July 2009   922123  
Hey! Edward is the best! STOP RUINING TWILIGHT FOR ALL THE FANGIRLS!!! Everytime someone mentions ANYTHING about the Cullens in a negative way, another fangirl dies. I'm long dead. Thanks. >=[
LOLOL You are TOO OBSESSED.
 
brilliantlights says:   19 July 2009   219428  
Why do you guys spend so much time bashing Twilight? Like it's a
little overrated and all but you spend like a hour writing all this,
when you just need to get over it. Can't you just not like/read the
books or watch the movies, and move on? Like really. I hate harry
potter but you don't see me writing like 4 diaries about it. GET OVER
IT.
 
Insaniity says:   21 July 2009   633843  
I'm sorry if I'm not as complacent as you on things that annoy me,
mmk?
 
‹Yo+Tu=Me+you<3› says :   3 August 2009   395867  
I like twilight but I have to admit that most of this is totally
true.
 
 
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