Wednesday, 26 September 2007
08:29:53 PM (GMT)
Warning: DON'T READ THIS if you're too young, or for any other reason shouldn't or
are offended by Alcohol. I dislike lectures (unless they're accurate, constructive or
I'm giving them. :P) I do not advocate alcoholism, I know it is unhealthy in excess,
and I hope that if any of you do drink you have the maturity to know it's dangers and
RESPECT THEM... as you would a box of matches or something... not that I reccomend
playing with matches... >_>
Alcoholism has sort of become my escape. It's not that I like the taste, frankly it
makes me want to gag. I don't do it to be cool, or tough. I do it the conventional
way; alone in my room on a weekend or when I'm particularily depressed with the door
locked and the radio up loud. I don't care if it's not healthy, "I'm young and
immortal." no really, the risk is outweighed by the gain. It's my only definite
escape. I can forget about the things that cause me pain, forget my pain completely,
feel good about myself no matter how much I hate myself, personality, life, body,
gender, etc when sober.
It's close to if not the same chemical reaction I got when I was "in love"; light
headed, rushed pulse, euphoria, lower inhibitions (if they aren't totally gone), no
fear... and if I step over the borderline a bit I dream with my eyes open.
That fine line between reality and subconsious kicking in.
They're always happy. The one I've been aiming for recently is of someone I have sort
of unrequited feelings for (like I would say their name here :P). Actually I've been
drinking to be "with" them ever since I started. Last time I was nearly convinced
they were right there beside me, playing with my hair. I felt them, heard their
breathing, and just before I passed out I thought I heard them say, "I love you."
Pathetic, I know... *shrugs* that's what being human is all about. Being pathetic, I
Lastly sleep. It helps me sleep rather than lying in bed staring into the darkness. I
don't worry about tomorrow, I don't worry about what people will think of me or if I
have everything in order. I don't worry if that noise I heard was some crazed serial
killer singling me out or if the monster in the hall closest is creeping towards me.
The night becomes soft, quiet, and warm like silk no matter the weather outside.
I feel content, relaxed, sort of like the feeling you get after a really tender kiss;
you feel weak but in a good way, you feel slap happy... which is good because depth
perception and your sense of balance/judgement are the first to go. XD
Hence the reason it's much safer in the privacy of your own home and preferable
behind a locked door so you don't accidentally kill yourself or someone else in the
Alright... so that's my little random bit I've been wanting to get off my chest for a
Now I guess you can reply/yell/lecture/agree with/at me, etc. Just realize I shall
respond with the same if not more of the same attitude.
Last edited: 26 September 2007