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This diary entry is written by Craven. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Tiredness in category Rants

ThirstCategory: (general)
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
04:29:53 PM (GMT)
Warning: DON'T READ THIS if you're too young, or for any other reason shouldn't or
are offended by Alcohol. I dislike lectures (unless they're accurate, constructive or
I'm giving them. :P) I do not advocate alcoholism, I know it is unhealthy in excess,
and I hope that if any of you do drink you have the maturity to know it's dangers and
RESPECT THEM... as you would a box of matches or something... not that I reccomend
playing with matches... >_>

That said...

Alcoholism has sort of become my escape. It's not that I like the taste, frankly it
makes me want to gag. I don't do it to be cool, or tough. I do it the conventional
way; alone in my room on a weekend or when I'm particularily depressed with the door
locked and the radio up loud. I don't care if it's not healthy, "I'm young and
immortal." no really, the risk is outweighed by the gain. It's my only definite
escape. I can forget about the things that cause me pain, forget my pain completely,
feel good about myself no matter how much I hate myself, personality, life, body,
gender, etc when sober.

It's close to if not the same chemical reaction I got when I was "in love"; light
headed, rushed pulse, euphoria, lower inhibitions (if they aren't totally gone), no
fear... and if I step over the borderline a bit I dream with my eyes open.
That fine line between reality and subconsious kicking in.

They're always happy. The one I've been aiming for recently is of someone I have sort
of unrequited feelings for (like I would say their name here :P). Actually I've been
drinking to be "with" them  ever since I started. Last time I was nearly convinced
they were right there beside me, playing with my hair. I felt them, heard their
breathing,  and just before I passed out I thought I heard them say, "I love you."
Pathetic, I know... *shrugs* that's what being human is all about. Being pathetic, I
mean. :P

Lastly sleep. It helps me sleep rather than lying in bed staring into the darkness. I
don't worry about tomorrow, I don't worry about what people will think of me or if I
have everything in order. I don't worry if that noise I heard was some crazed serial
killer singling me out or if the monster in the hall closest is creeping towards me.
The night becomes soft, quiet, and warm like silk no matter the weather outside.
I feel content, relaxed, sort of like the feeling you get after a really tender kiss;
you feel weak but in a good way, you feel slap happy... which is good because depth
perception and your sense of balance/judgement are the first to go. XD
Hence the reason it's much safer in the privacy of your own home and preferable
behind a locked door so you don't accidentally kill yourself or someone else in the

Alright... so that's my little random bit I've been wanting to get off my chest for a
Now I guess you can reply/yell/lecture/agree with/at me, etc. Just realize I shall
respond with the same if not more of the same attitude. 
Last edited: 26 September 2007

neoeno says:   28 September 2007   375777  
A summary, in the form of a short piece of fiction, of my feelings
about alcohol:

Perhaps if you're using alcohol to give you relief from your RealWorld
troubles, then it would be better to deal with those RealWorld
troubles. Or at least run away from them in a more constructive way
(your profile says you want to travel. So travel!).

This is rather more like a lecture than I intended.
adoridables says:   29 September 2007   466294  
I can understand that. I'm a bit of a drinker myself. (Well, more
then a bit....)
Craven says:   1 October 2007   533382  
Neoeno: Constructive lectures are fine. :P I plan to travel after
highschool if not before then... and drawing helps. Also visiting
cemetaries on a regular basis (it's quiet ((for obvious reasons)) and
the living usually have better things to do so it's empty... wow that
sounded emo. XD )

adoridables: thank you for understanding and I'm sorry if you drink
for escaping also. :|
mextreehugger says :   9 November 2007   719819  
I wish to travel to! It is one of my greatest goals to travel the
world and learn many languages. :3
 Interesting piece of writing. ;D


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