Friday, 18 April 2014
05:38:06 PM (GMT)
I have never felt so happy. For years, I have tried to find a way to escape but it
was always right under my nose. My mom, being a drug addict, has indirectly
influenced me not to do drugs. I didn't want to make the same choices as her but for
some reason, this felt so right.
We smoked and drank, not giving a shit what anyone thought of us. I wondered about
his mom but he didn't seem worried so neither did I.
Then, it happened.
His lips met mine in a passionate kiss. It felt so right. His hands were all over me
and mine were all over him. Did I really want to have sex with a man I just met
though? Was it worth it? It was as if I couldn't control myself. I was usually
hesitent about this sort of thing. What has come over me?
"Stop!" I yelled out. I pushed him away and tried to get away but fell over.
He hurried over to me and said "I'm sorry." The rest, I don't remember. I think I
fainted because later, I woke up in his bed with a massive headache.
"How long have I been out?" I asked him with a hand on my head. The light killed and
any noise was ten times worst.
"Just a day. Don't worry." His mom came in with a bottle of pills. He handed me a
pill and I quickly shook my head. Never again was I doing drugs. He chuckled and said
"don't worry. It will help with the hangover."
I raised an eyebrow but I was in no position to ask question so I took the pill, no
questions asked. His mom was leaning against the door frame. "You two really partied
last night. Did you use condoms?"
At that, I started to cough and I demanded "what the hell did we do last night?" Did
I really lose my virginity last night? We have only known each other for a couple of
days. The real me would never sleep with some strange man.
Erik, however, laughed and said "we didn't do anything last night. Don't worry mom."
She laughed a little and went into the kitchen to fix us up lunch I presume. I looked
at Erik and blushed. He wasn't wearing a shirt and looked sexier than ever. His abs
were perfect. I started to trace them with my fingers and I felt him shudder under my
He leaned in and seemed to be asking permission. I leaned up and was about to kiss
him but then pulled away. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I mean we have just met. I just
like you as a friend." He nodded and I could have sworn I saw the hurt in his eyes.
"No. It's my fault. I really like you and I let my feelings get in the way. Anyways,
the doctors called and said that your mom is back home." He left the room and I let
the tears fall. My body shook in fear every time he touched me; every kiss he laid
upon my lips. It hurt so much. Was I really falling for him? I was so scared of being
hurt again that I was blind when it came to what love felt like.
I grabbed my bag and left the room. "I'm sorry. I have to leave." When I got to the
door, I felt him grab my arm. "Let go of me!" I yelled out. I spun around and slapped
When he released me, I ran out of the house. I couldn't be around him. Not now. I
loved his mother. She was a lot better than my mom who could care less about me.
I ran as fast as I could. I had to leave this place. I needed to runaway. I wanted to
be free. I wanted to fly away like a butterfly. I got to a forest and stopped at a
tree. I let my tears free. I couldn't stop crying. I needed to be loved by someone.
I remembered when I was little and would read all these stories about a princess who
falls into an induced coma after eating a poisonous apple and her prince comes and
kisses her upon the lips. It was the most romantic thing. I wanted to be a princess
who is rescued by her prince but I'll always be the princess who is forbidden to go
to the ball by her evil step sisters.
I wanted to be a little girl again. "Hey are you alright?"
I quickly turned to see a tall handsome man that was naturally tan from probably
working outside. He had messy blond hair with dark chocolate brown eyes and a sweat
covered brow. I practically got lost in his eyes until he repeated "are you
I quickly regained my composure and said "y-yes. Well no. Just a lot has happened."
He put a hand out, offering to help me up. "Talk to me. I'm on break anyways."
I took his hand, no questions asked. He brought me to a cabin in the woods and I told
him everything. It was obvious that he was not in High School and I had a feeling
that I could trust him. He has such a kind face. Most people would call me an idiot
for trusting this man but so much has happened lately that I needed help.
"Ah. So your boyfriend-"
"Not my boyfriend."
He cleared his throat and said "so your friend is in love with you and you think you
love him back but your not so sure. Well I'm not one to give dating advice so I can't
really help you there. But your mom... I think she needs help and your the only
person that can give her the help she needs. You are her daughter after all. Want a
"I'm under 21."
He looked around and said "I don't see no cops around."
"Fine. Just a little though."
He smiled and tossed me one. I clumsily caught it. He laughed and sat across from me.
"How can I save her if she wants nothing to do with me? At this point, I'm nothing to
her. I'm just a burden to her. I can't stand going home. I'm always afraid that she's
going to either kill me or she'll be the dead one.
He looked at me, genuinely concerned for my well being. "If that's the case then
I shook my head. "She's already been to rehab and during those times, I was forced
into a foster home. My friends don't even know about that. I'm afraid. I don't want
to be forced to move out of my house for good because I still love my mom. She's the
only one I have." I took a sip of my beer as I wiped the tear that slipped down my
cheek. "I feel so weak and powerless to stop her."
"Then fight. Those scars are signs of you giving up. You can't give up if you wan't
to get anywhere in life. You can't runaway from your problems."
"I'm not running away!" I exclaimed. "And what are you doing? Did you just decide one
day you were going to live in the middle of the forest?"
"I'm a lumberjack... well sort of. I do odd jobs. For now I'm a lumber jack. I
decided to live here because I'm closer to the trees. Its a pain in the ass to walk
from town and back again every day."
i smiled softly as I drank my beer. "How old are you anyways?" I asked him. "You seem
He chuckled a bit and replied "direct about it aren't you? I'm 26 years old."
He was way older than he looked. I would have guessed 21. It was then that I noticed
his wedding ring shimmering in the light. "Your married... why isn't your wife
staying with you?"
He let out a light laugh and said "because she's not a very naturey person if that's
a thing. We discussed it and we thought it was best that she stay at him with our
daughter." I nodded slowly but when I saw the time, I quickly stood up. "I'm sorry. I
have to go home. It was nice meeting you."
He asked "I never got your name."
"It's Alice. And yours?"
"Thats a discussion for another time, my love." He kissed my hand lightly and let me
When I ran through the front door of my apartment, I saw my mom laying on the couch.
"How'd you get out early mom?"
"I made up some bullshit lie about how it was an accident and that I took to many of
my pills. They couldn't argue so they let me go." As soon as she started to sniff the
air, I swallowed hard. "Were you drinking?" She demanded.
"Y-Yeah. What's the big deal?" I tried to stand tall but I was scared of what her
mother would do to me.
My mom hit me to the floor. "Never speak to me like that again." She stormed into her
bedroom leaving me there, crying a little. I remembered what that mystery man said
about not running away. I couldn't keep running away. I had to face my fears.
She might hit me but she was still my mother. I still loved her more than anything in
the world. She was my everything and without her, I had nothing.
I slowly stood up and walked into my mom's room. I was slightly afraid but knew I had
to put that aside. She was sitting on her bed. "Mom... I'm sorry but, I can't keep
living like this. Ever since dad died, I've been your human punching bag. If your
going to kill me then do it. I have no regrets. I love you more than I can say but I
can't live with you right now."
I left the room and started to pack my things. I headed for the door and swung it
open but before leaving, I looked back at the darkness of my house in hopes that my
mom would come to try to stop me but to no surprise, there was no sign of her. I
silently closed the door and left the house, never looking back.
I laid in the disgusting alley way, exhausted from spending a majority of the night
wandering the city. I was in and out of my slumber. I needed money and a place to
stay but had neither of them. I had nowhere to go. At this rate, I would die out on
these dirty streets. I had nothing.
I couldn't go running to my friends because then they would find out about my home
situation and then everyone would find out. I couldn't run to Erik's after my fight
with him. I had no one who truly cared about me. I closed my eyes finally.
When I woke up, I laid in a bed. I looked around frantically but I saw the mystery
man sitting by the bed I laid on. "Is this heaven?"
He chuckled and brushed some of the hair out of my face. "No. Your still alive..."
"Because I saved you."
My eyes widened at that and then asked "are you my guardian angel?"
"If you want me to be," he responded. It was at that moment that I heard a British
accent come out. I smiled a little and said softly "your from England."
He covered his mouth. He seemed to have been trying to hide where he was from. I took
him by the hand, his thumb stroking my hand. "I like your accent."
Our eyes meet and I smile. He was beautiful in every way; his laugh, his smile, his
dimples, his eyes, his mouth, his nose, his body... I think I'm falling in love. But
why did I have to fall in love with a man so much older than me? He was such a
strange man for me to fall in love with. I didn't even know his name yet I was so
determined to call this love. No. This wasn't me. I hate men. I couldn't love a man.
It would just end the same way.
I pulled my hand away from him. He looked at me curiously. "What's wrong?" He asked.
"I'm sorry. Its stupid."
He shook his head and said "you can trust me."
"How can I be so sure?" I asked.
"My lips are sealed. I promise."
I looked at him, studying his kind face. I smile, knowing that he was telling the
truth. "I think I'm falling for you."
He smiled and then leaned in to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed
I start laughing in his arms. He felt so nice against me but every good thing had to
come to end.
I reluctantly pulled away from him. "What's your name?" I asked him curiously,
realizing I still didn't know his name.