no one prepared me for life because they couldn't because no one
prepared them either
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This diary entry is written by ‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖›. ( View all entries )
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no one prepared me for life because they couldn't because no one
prepared them either
Category: Life
Saturday, 22 June 2013
03:19:51 PM (GMT)
hey guess what.

I cover my books' covers with paper bags and old maps
because I'm afraid of other people seeing what I'm reading
and judging me

I have much inner turmoil caused by the conflict of
my aversion to animal products and
my fondness for leather

I've spent my entire life chasing after too things,
passion and poetry, 
two abstract ideas that may not exist 
anywhere outside my mind

sometimes I go to dances 
and feel pretty, but then I 
go hide in the hallways so my friends
can't find me to make me dance

I like to write fake secret admirer notes to 
people I don't know
to make them smile
or maybe it just makes them feel more lonely 

I sing and get terrible stage fright 
but when I act, I don't get any stage fright at all
I'm bold acting and confident
but when singing, my confidence melts into 
an earthquake of sticky pink goo
that makes the ground so unsteady 
and blinds me temporarily 

I can't wait to have my own house
right now I don't even have a bedroom
but when I get my own space
I'll paint all the walls and make it a safe place

sometimes I dial random phone numbers
and try to start a conversation with strangers
once I called an elderly lady 
who thought I was her daughter finally calling her 
after three years

the sound of violins moves me more than
any other sound, 
I like to believe that violins sing and scream the
deep aches of the human soul that our mouths can't voice

actually, I think I'm more attracted to peoples' voices
than any other part of them
but who knows what I even 
mean by that

when I was little I had an imaginary friend
named Emily 
and I was jealous of her
because she was prettier than me

I spent an entire year once
drawing nothing but winged girls
angels and fairies
that bled in abstract landscapes 

I like to write poetry that tells a story
from the perspective of overlooked creatures
like worms
because I think people often feel overlooked

once my sister threw a frozen steak at my face
and I cried and my lip swelled up
she felt bad and said I could throw it at her too
and that made me laugh a lot

I used to be obsessed with climbing things
like trees and buildings
but I would never know how to get down
so I stopped eventually
no one is afraid of heights
they're just afraid of falling

one time a random stranger bought me
forty dollars worth of stuff because I
thought I had a enough money but I didn't
and it was my birthday
and sometimes I still think of her and
pray that her life goes well

I don't like it when 
fat girls grow up to be mean
but it kinda makes me smile when
mean girls grow up to be fat

I love everything my friends write and
draw and paint and sing or play on guitar
even if it's terrible I still love it
because it's from inside them

I have a drawer full of many pictures
that I cut out of magazines
of stars and planets and nebulas
because I want to make some huge collage 
and rearrange the universe the way I want it

one time a guy I liked told me his favorite song
so I bought a keyboard 
and learned to play that song
but then I was too shy to play it for him
now I play it for myself because 
it makes me happy in a strange way

sometimes I have dreams that 
two people I know are combined into one person
and I'm never sure if I should talk to them the way
I talk to the one person, or the other

when I was a kid if I saw a penny on the ground,
and it was face down,
I'd turn it face up for someone else to find,
because I thought that would mean they'd have good luck
when they picked it up
even though it would give me bad luck

the only good thing about
the boredom that reigns in small towns
is that more people learn to play guitar
because there's nothing else to do

garage sales make me sad because
all the random cluttered objects 
that make a house look lived in
have been ripped out,
the house was gutted like a fish and now
no one really wants its guts 

I have a list of which musicians I listen to
might be in the Illuminati 
and which ones definitely aren't
and which ones probably want to be

I've always wanted to travel somewhere
far away and just
live out of my backpack, like a real adventure
but I think I'd probably die somehow 

I've noticed that life seems less real
when you have more technology, like
computers and phones and games
they make your brain move too fast to sleep
and if you don't use them for a while, 
it's easier to look at the clouds and see shapes
Last edited: 22 June 2013

kuroko says:   22 June 2013   211660  
I read all of it....
‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖› says:   22 June 2013   868818  

And...what do you think? 
kuroko says:   22 June 2013   626494  
I might say in messages 
‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖› says:   22 June 2013   137607  

Uhm. Okay. 
‹Dadagamekingrules40› says:   23 June 2013   973792  
Dudette... like I teared up from reading this. The simple things that
no one will ask about because of social communications have been
portrayed beautifully.
‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖› says:   24 June 2013   460180  

Thank you, I appreciate your appreciation. 
AnantaRa says :   28 June 2013   244215  


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