Wednesday, 27 June 2012
02:46:01 PM (GMT)
I honestly don't think I would be able to say whether overall today was good or bad.
Although I'd assume that it wavers strongly towards the 'bad' side.
I saw him again. When I woke up. It was only for a fraction of a second, but he was
definately there... Next to Sabriel's bed, but watching me. This was at half three.
I haven't been sleeping well. After seeing him, I didn't bother trying to sleep
again, but I finished that book that Salem recommended. The Curious Incident of the
Dog in the Night Time. It was good, but I don't think I'll be able to read it again.
Just because it was he who gave it to me... But I'll come to that later.
Well, the morning went fairly to routine, except that I saw him more. It's getting
increasingly frequent. And clearer, too. At first I thought he was wearing a white
mask, but now I see that it's his face. Incredibly, inhumanly pale. With dark eyes.
And he's angry. So, so angry... He stood behind me throughout English, and I could
hardly do anything but sit and stare at my book. It was terrifying. He never used
to scare me, but now...
After lunch I didn't see him again until fencing after school. Which is when my mind
turned to a huge mess and I'm still not entirely sure what happened.
I don't understand... Everything was going so perfectly. I'd actually understood
what Mr Dulce was talking about, and apparantly I was doing it right, too! And we
both know how rare that is! Anyway, just as were finishing, he said that he wanted
to speak with me. As a friend rather than a teacher, about my grades. He told me
that they'd been dropping, and that he was concerned... I'd not even noticed, but I
suppose I can't say that I was surprised. Since I've started seeing him more often,
I haven't been concerntrating like usual. He frightens me. And then I saw him
again. Just a flicker in the corner of my eye, but it was him. Mr Dulce asked what
was wrong, and he was smiling horribly. The man, not Mr Dulce. I broke... He was
scaring me, and I don't understand who he is or what he wants. I told him, I told Mr
Dulce about him, in a strange sort of way... I kind of stammered words at him. God
knows how he made sense of me.
But he held me. Said that everything would be alright. That he would protect me and
wouldn't let the man hurt me. I don't know how long he held me, but he was so warm,
and I actually felt safe. For the first time since Halloween. I felt like he really
could stop the man from whatever he wants.
And then he kissed me.
He apologised, but, honestly, I really didn't mind. Well, I wouldn't have...
Salem was there. He saw. And he said he'd tell the Headmaster. I know it sounds
stupid, but everything was a rush. It's a blur in my head and I just want to rewind
everything and delete it. It was horrid.
He stormed off, and I chased him. He told me it was disgusting, and wrong... Sorry,
the ink's smudging... I'm crying again. I won't go over it later. I'd rather it
wasn't there, but I need to tell someone, even if I just tell me. I know that doesn't
make sense, but I don't care. It makes as much sense as anything has done recently.
Well, I followed him. Asking, pleading, begging that he wouldn't say
anything. I know Salem hates him, but I never knew how much... He ran off, and I
was on the floor and Mr Dulce was hugging me again (I don't know how this happened),
saying that everything would work out. That everything would be alright, and that
he'd find a way to make it okay. And he said that he loved me.
Oh God... If he gets fired... I don't know what to do...
He smiled at me. Just like he usually does, and it just hurt more... How can
someone possibly be so perfect? He told me to go to dinner, and that he could check
if I'd eaten. So I went, but I hardly ate. Everything felt so numb, like a dream or
a story. A story where everything would be fine. Happily Ever After.
I wish. I really do.