Sunday, 2 October 2011
01:01:28 PM (GMT)
Her name alone casts out the darkness from my life.
She calls me sunshine, yet she shines far brighter than any sun I've ever seen.
I call her firefly, because she didn't always shine her light like she should.
She still doesn't sometimes, but her light has grown in the two months we've been
I close my eyes, I see her light brown eyes piercing my soul.
I lay in bed alone, yet I feel her warm embrace upon me.
I wake up every morning and wait for her to rise from her slumber.
I feel it.
I feel the energy rise in me, I feel her essence fill the empty void in my chest.
I know she has woken, then before long, she sends me a message.
It will never get old to me.
Every single time, it brings a smile to my face, erases all doubt of her love for
Her words never lose their value to me.
They never fade.
All the "I love you"s
All the "You're perfect"s
All the silly things she has to say.
They all hold a special place in my heart.
Once I found out about who she really is, I couldn't wait for all the things she
would show me.
I never dreamed I would show her anything.
She said I was different, and honestly now it makes sense.
Many guys have liked her over the years, but lately she hadn't fell for their empty
She wanted something more, something different, something unique.
Someone like her.
She chose me.
I am so much like her, but just different enough.
I had the state of mind and the presence to help her.
I helped her get past her problems, her memories, her fears.
She helped me get past mine.
Somehow we stumbled across each other at the perfect moment and turned our shells of
lives into full blown perfection.
I have her to thank for what I see.
She taught me meditation, energy, spiritual things.
I learned that I could ask for many things, and somehow get them.
I found solutions where there have never been any.
I have her to thank, and the energy, and the powers that control it all.
I showed her the energy in the sky, the orbs that float around, the rainbows that are
always hidden just behind the physical world.
She showed me Paganism, pictures of spirits she has taken, she found Brittany.
Oh Brittany, if you only knew how amazing it is to have you back in my life.
After almost three years of thinking you were dead, I now know you are always here,
always have been.
Jesse, you are amazing.
Just to see your face changes everything about who I am.
I think your beauty increases the size of my heart.
Such a simple, unique beauty.
You don't try to be someone you are not.
You are just you, and that is far more amazing than any woman I have ever seen.
So young, so innocent on the exterior.
In reality, your experiences far outweigh those of people three times your age.
So much knowledge, wisdom, and experience packed in such a small, gorgeous, kind
My family always asks about you.
They are so proud of me for finding someone so amazing.
Even in the short time they have been around you, you have captured their hearts as
It's not just because of how great of a person you are.
And you know what I mean.
You have that affect on people.
It can be both a blessing and a curse.
I know how easy it can be for guys to fall in love with you, and never be able to let
It has happened to me, far quicker than I could have ever imagined.
Luckily, you love me too, so it isn't a problem.
If any guy tries anything, I will destroy them.
You know that.
That's why I get so jealous.
That's why I get mad at the people who say they are just your friends.
I know they act that way, they seem that way.
Deep inside, they wonder about you.
Why they can't stop thinking about you.
They wonder if they could ever be with you.
If secretly, you like them too.
I know it's true.
I know more than you think, firefly.
It is just part of who you are, and I will live with it, and learn to accept it.
I just hope you understand.
I hope you understand it completely.
There are some messed up guys out there, and you know it better than I do.
Someone that just wants to be closer friends.
Someone who says they like you, even though you have a boyfriend.
Someone who would like to hang out, spend more time with you.
With you, it won't take much to turn a curious boy into a dangerous, obsessive man.
If it ever comes down to it, I will break the memory of you from their mind.
Just be careful, neither of us want that.
But no one will ever hurt you again.
If somehow it happens, they will never get away with it.
Not before I take out my own personal justice upon them.
I will try not to think about it.
The thought alone brings me to tears of anger.
I hate to be like this.
So obsessive, overprotective perhaps.
I can't stand to see guys touch you, especially when you don't want them to.
I see what you saw.
I see those memories playing over and over in my head as if they were my own.
I see the experiences that led you to drugs, cutting, bulimia.
I heard the voices.
I can't get past what has happened to you, and it isn't fair.
It really isn't.
Sometimes it turns me into the violent shell of a man that you know I am not.
My muscles cramp and twitch with the desire to snap his neck.
Any man that has ever hurt you, for that matter.
Any boy, I should say.
A real man could never hurt a woman.
A real man holds love and compassion close to his heart.
I will get past these feelings, with you.
When I feel alone, I think of you.
I see you walking towards me, hair shining with hints of red and brown in the
I see you up on Alice, so free, so alive.
I see you smiling, the first real smile in so long.
I think of how much you've changed.
The past 100 days alone.
You can now be yourself.
You could never truly help people before, you could never see clearly the amazing
path laid out before you, because you couldn't help yourself.
If you can't get past the things that hold you down, then you can't help people.
Not in the way you can now.
You are you again.
Maybe for the first time in your life.
You did it on your own.
I was just here to lead the way.
To show you the light you have been missing.
Maybe in some ways, I am your sunshine.
I know that you will always be my firefly.
The sun has to set sometimes, but I know you will be there.
To give me the light I need.
Enough to relax, to find the hope, to find my way back to myself until the sun comes
Then we can sit in it.
Basking in the warmth, the light, the freedom.
Your name alone brings tears to my eyes.
It fills up the emptiness inside me.
Brings me back to reality so I can be the man you need me to be.
I always will be.
I will always love you.
I will always be here for you.
Honesty isn't something that has to be thought about, it is just something that is.
And always will be.
I love you,
I love you,
Last edited: 2 October 2011