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This diary entry is written by Kablammo_Dude. ( View all entries )
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Happy yet depressedCategory: (general)
Thursday, 29 September 2011
10:29:40 AM (GMT)
I am happy.
I seem happy.
Everything is amazing.
My life is better than it has been.
I am still depressed.
I cry a lot.
Deep down inside is a pain, a sadness, a burning.
Part of me expects all the happiness to come to an end soon.
It seems inevitable, in my opinion.
She says it will never happen.
Maybe I should believe her.
I think the sadness isn't just my own.
I think it is for others.
For those who are mistreated.
For those who are lied to, cheated on, made to feel like crap.
For those who are abused, by their parents, or by others.
For those who get sexually assaulted.
For those who feel ugly, fat, worthless.
For those who feel they need drugs to cope with life.
For those who choose to end their life.
For those who are different, but get thrown in a mental hospital anyway.
For those who can't afford to eat, or even live a normal life.
For those who have never known true love.
Why must the burdens of others be upon my shoulders?
I feel like I can try my best, but it will never be enough.
There will always be people the hang themselves, when maybe I could have been the one
to change it.
There will always be people that cut, despite my efforts to get them to stop.
There will always be people that drink themselves to death, regardless of my
There will always be guys that are messed up in the head, and rape young girls, and
get away with it.
I guess all I can do is try my best.
To never keep my mouth closed, to always make an attempt to understand.
I feel like my life is perfect now, but in a way that just makes the problems of
others more meaningful to me.
It doesn't seem fair for me to have a great life, when others are suffering.
I don't know anymore.
Don't worry about me, Jesse.
I will always be like this.
I guess if you want to be with me, you will have to live with it.
I am so sorry.
I feel like I should be happy.
But I am always depressed, deep down.
I find it really hard to be truly happy anymore.
I need you in my arms, Firefly.
Even for just a few hours, it's all I need to at least smile and feel normal for a

‹~(Shaywee)~› says:   29 September 2011   522770  
This is why I always feel bad about talking to you. To anyone. I hate
dumping my problems on you. I love talking to you, but it's the fact
that people worry about me so easily. I'm sorry; I know I contributed
to all of this.
Kablammo_Dude says:   29 September 2011   881957  
You really shouldn't feel that way.
I am like this always.
Always have been.
The fact that I am worried about you just means that I care about you,
you didn't dump anything on me, I just want to help...
I think you are awesome  
‹~(Shaywee)~› says:   30 September 2011   428732  
Still, though! It's not just you, it's my aunt, who's dealing with the
worst shit you could possibly conjure up in your mind. She's got so
many problems and no one to talk to about, and then I come in and
complain about how fucked up my life is and make it worse.
Thanks, Micheal. I care about you an Jesse, too. I just... feel bad to
ever ask people for favors. Like I'm bothering them. 
Kablammo_Dude says:   30 September 2011   410362  
I know how you feel, I feel the same way.
You should never feel that way around me, though.
Just sayin', I always look forward to talking to you  
‹~(Shaywee)~› says:   30 September 2011   467986  
Then you understand!
Are you sure?
Same here, dad. 
Kablammo_Dude says :   30 September 2011   903284  
Of course I am sure!
You crazy, shay XD 


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