Tuesday, 27 September 2011
03:35:25 AM (GMT)
Yesterday was empty, depressed, angry, and relaxing.
I really shouldn't have, but I think I needed it.
I smoked as well.
I really needed that.
I woke up in a strange mood, I felt empty or something.
I am starting to see things now.
Not hallucinations or anything.
At least that's not how I would define them.
I used to see energy in the sky.
A weird, flowing energy that moves like water or plasma almost.
I now see it everywhere.
There is like a layer of it everywhere I look now.
Even in my room or on the ground.
I used to only see it outside, in the sky, during day time.
I didn't like the feeling at first.
It was like I had to really focus hard to feel a part of this world.
That kind of scared me.
So I drank.
And I passed out.
I probably scared the crap out of Jesse, and Shay as well.
I am sorry.
I love you gals.
I woke up, still feeling odd, but better.
I went and smoked with my friends.
That helped everything.
I relaxed, cleared my mind, and I could see the energy stronger than ever.
I was able to chill with them for a while, laugh and have a decent time, but my mind
I listened to my iPod on the way home.
Music has never sounded so amazing.
The song that I dreamed about last night came on.
The last song before I got home.
"Stitches" by Haste the Day
When I got home, I looked up at the night sky.
The energy was still there, but I got distracted by the stars.
It was a perfectly clear night, the kind that rarely occur here in ol' KY.
"Gravity" by John Mayer came on.
It seemed appropriate, so I walked around the yard in a dream state, now conscious of
everything around me.
I came back to my car, laid on top of it and stared straight into the unknown.
"I won't see you tonight" by Avenged Sevenfold came on.
This song has always reminded me of Brittany, there is no way I can hit next.
I think of her, and something tells me to really focus on this new layer of
The colors that I once saw only with my eyes closed are now very clear in the night
The purple is strongest, as my mind is very spiritual this evening.
As I look though, I notice the little things that float and spin around.
I call them orbs.
I saw them in complete darkness.
They usually only occur during the day.
I see the flowing energy.
I see the colors.
As I focus more on the colors, I notice that I can see everything.
I can see a rainbow, everywhere, at all times.
The colors that shine through the most are the ones that are most prevalent, or the
ones that they want me to see, or that I want to see.
All colors at all times, living in this layer that covers the rest of my existence.
I think everyone sees it, or can see it, but they don't notice it.
The song gets to the really epic part where there are no words.
Just music and a chorus of "ohs"
I realize I am not alone, and it gives me the chills I have come to love.
I close my eyes, and I see Brittany.
She showed me her eyes.
She opens and closes them.
I open my eyes.
There, amongst the stars, is a clear rainbow.
Every color perfectly defined in my little layer.
I must say, this was a pretty intense moment for me.
I lay there, letting the music take me away, but I am not alone.
I see the energy, another world.
Me and the spirits are together, and I accept it.
I am not afraid anymore.
They are my friends.
I will help them.
I say a prayer.
A silent, yet effective meditation to give thanks for everything.
As I look in the sky, I notice the purple, as always.
But there is a yellow there, as well.
A pure joy.
There is blue.
The peaceful happiness.
I found what I was looking for.
There amidst the energy and array of colors, sat the green.
The healing green that reassures what I already know.
The change has begun.
The change to the new me, the balanced, earthly man, with the ability to help, to
heal, to change people.
I finally found it.
As the music fades to static, I turn off my headphones and take in all the sounds for
I feel so small, but I actually enjoy it.
Not only am I one of almost seven billion on this planet.
I am one of many more billions that exist in this new dimension.
And that is just this planet.
As I look up, I think about how every star represents a sun.
Chances are, at least a few of these in front of me could have planets that can
It is an awesome moment.
A life changing moment.
I take a deep breath, say another prayer, invite the spirits to join the new me, to
come to me when they are ready.
Thank you Jesse, for everything.
What we are asking for is coming true, for both of us.
I know you see it too.
We are never alone.
I will take some time, let it all sink in.
But I feel different.
I needed today.
I needed to drink and smoke, but at the end of the day I realized how foolish I was.
Why do I need things to keep me happy when there is such an awe-inspiring world
outside my door, and another one that most cannot see?
I will still smoke or drink occasionally, but it will never again be the solution to
It solves nothing.
I will be myself for quite some time.
I am sure of it.
I feel like a new man.
Like this was a very important day in my life.
Jesse, we will work together, and I thank you so much for opening my mind, and my
eyes to things I never noticed before.
I think you were right about me.
You saw something that others didn't.
I saw it in you as well.
I knew you weren't crazy.
You are just amazing.
What you can do is truly amazing.
I like what I can do, now.
We will help as many people as we can before we leave this world.
Our souls will join those in the sky.
In the colors.
In the energy.
In another dimension.
Last edited: 27 September 2011