Wednesday, 10 November 2010
06:38:24 PM (GMT)
It's a vicious circle: I feel down, I get tense and feel like an emo about it, I
worry I'm too self absorbed, I feel down, I get tense...
Whenever I feel down, I always tell myself how lucky I am and how much I've got. Then
I realise that's smug (even though this is the first time I've devulged this to
anyone) and have myself. I honestly hate how I hate myself, because it makes me feel
like I'm attention-seeking. I wonder how anyone can be around me. I'm an annoying
poseur. I'm in love with a guy I try to force myself into believe is nasty, who is
probably nice, but actually nasty. Anytime I think about how screwed up I am, I think
I'm an emo and try not to think about it. I'm concieted. Don't argue. I just don't
tell anyone thoughts I think are big-headed. Which brings me to my next point. I
always think anyone I'm talking to thinks I'm big-headed and self-absorbed. They must
think I talk about myself too much. If someone seems weird, I'll instantly assume it
has something to do with me.
I'd steal from my own affiliates, I'm disgusting.
I'm scared if I take things seriously I'll get hurt or look like a poseur.
Only 2 people actually love me, and I think about 10 people would actually care if I
I'm a lazy person.
I don't like hanging out with Martin anymore, cause I'm big-headed and want to hang
out with Aidan and Scott etc., but i'm afraid they think I'm annoying. I have how I
discount and mock every feeling and thought I have. No one will actually read this
diary. Don't make this popular. Please don't like me. I'm disgusting.
Last edited: 10 November 2010