rant? or .. somethin. Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 

This diary entry is written by ‹J▲C K›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: there is a lack of bob dylan in this house. in category (general)

rant? or .. somethin.Category: (general)
Thursday, 13 May 2010
01:35:43 AM (GMT)
this is the one and only thing i hate about relationships. the awkward ex factor.
i'm not even the jealous type. although it's hard not to be intimidated when your
boyfriend has had many other girlfriends, all of which are very pretty. and they've
done it. it. he knows i'm not the jealous type, and he's happy that i'm not,
but i'm scared if i tell him that i'm a wee bit intimidated, i'm not sure if he would
be disappointed or not. it's also this intense fear that you get in the pit of your
stomach that screams "you could be the ex that he rants about to his next
girlfriend", and it's crippling, and scary, and something you'll do anything to keep
out of your mind. it hurts most when i'm not with him. when i'm with him, all of that
is the very last thing on my mind. all of it just goes away. but it comes right back
when he's gone. does that mean i'm clingy? oh well. the first day we started going
out, he was like "yeah i'm clingy, just so you know", so even if i am clingy, at
least we'll be clingy together, right? i get far too paranoid. and my thoughts kind
of contradict each other. one side of my mind is all "WHAT IF HE LIKES ONE OF HIS
EX'S, WHAT IF HE LIKES SOME OTHER GIRL?" and the other side is all "he's told you
countless times he loves you to death, that he can actually see me in his future
unlike his ex's, and that i'm basically the perfect girl for him". then i'm just
stuck between the two. i really want to lean towards the positive side of my mind,
but it's natural to be a bit skeptical, right? i'm sure it's a bit pathetic by now, i
mean, he's made it very clear that he wants to be with only me. why can't i just
stick with that? fuck. and he's mentioned me so many times in his future plans, like
what the hell! i get this unbelievably happy feeling when i hear that, so why can't i
just chill out? FAAAAAAAACK.

Be the first to comment:

Next entry: looks like im goin to prom. need opinions. in category (general)
Related Entries
Zelda3443: I'm an awesome friend.
‹Borderline PJO/HP Addict›: I'm a good friend!
‹Ms.Pandanie!~›: I'm a Good Friend :3
Your_Worst_Nightmare: Just Barely a Good Friend
‹Mr.EbolaLmaoo›: Good Friend, Bad Friend (stolen from zoe♥)

About Kupika    Contact    FAQs    Terms of Service    Privacy Policy    Online Safety
Copyright © 2005-2012