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I dunno whether to love her or hate her...Category: (general)
Monday, 13 July 2009
01:57:17 AM (GMT)
My mom drives me nuts.
She was a great friend through most of my childhood, then one day decided she was my
mom, not my friend.
She respected me, thought I was intellegent and amazing. She called me an old soul.
Now I am none of those things.
She's called the cops on me for running away when I told here were I was going. (a
close friend of the family's to give us both time to cool off)
She rearranges my things so much I can almost never find anything, no matter how many
times I ask her not to.
She kicked me out of the house, and when I came to get my stuff, she wanted me so
sign a contract in order to continue living with her, which included things I already
did or were none of her buisness. (like taking care of our dog, or how often I
She gave me years of grief over my husband.
She blames him for our arguments, when he resolved most of them.
She blames him for my missed school days, when it was really an iron deficency.
She thought he was no good, because I was the one with a job, while he ran errands,
did housework, and kept me alive.
She has taken me in several times.
She pays for my cell phone bill.
She acts like she loves me, but I can't tell.
I moved out of state for a while to live with my brother. He thought my husband was a
bum, too. He called him names and blamed him for any chores left undone, without
bothering to check if it was me. He treated him badly off and on for months. He did
get a great job, but there was a month-long break in work.  We were moving to another
apartment and mom came down to help. My husband was going to move out because he
didn't get along with my brother, and my mom offered him a free ride back home (I was
about 5 months pregnant at the time, and 'home' was an 11 hour drive away). I urged
him to accept, because he might be homeless otherwise, and I wanted him safe. He
accepted. A few days before they were planning to leave, my brother started an
argument while I was at work and everyone else was packing. My husband finished it
(from what I've heard). Mom told her son-in-law that no-one talks to her son that
way, and took him to a bus station, made him spend a lot of my money, while she
covered the rest, and sent him packing without a word to me. Even when I got home, I
had to ask where he was. At 5+ months pregnant. I have never been so upset in my
life. Stress like that can kill a baby, and can also make autism more likely to show
up (and I'm autistic, so the risk is already there). She then dragged me to a concert
where I was surrounded by smokers, and expected me to be happy and nice.
Over the next few days, she wouldn't let anyone touch my husbands stuff because she
was still going to bring it up to him and it should be in the last load, so it
doesn't need to be packed twice. It didn't all fit in the car, so she donated a lot
of it without warning or consulting me. Some of the stuff belonged to both of us, and
some of it was stuff his now-deceased father gave him when he was little.
I gave her $80 to buy a cat carrier to bring his cat back to him. The average new cat
carrier was about $40 at the time. She dropped the cat off at a shelter, kept the
money, and didn't even tell them his name. I found out when I got home, no goodbye.
She then took the remainder of his things back home, then called him up and demanded
the money he had taken from me at her insistence, or he wouldn't get his stuff back.
He didn't have the money, and he never got his stuff, and it sure isn't in her

A few months later, I had just gotten a room in someones house and mom came to help
me while I was in labor. She helped get my room ready, picked up the last few things
I needed, and stayed with me most of the 4 days my baby had to stay in the hospital.
Things went REALLY bad with my landlord, and mom helped me move all of my (and
Riichan's) stuff back to my brother's. She offered to let me stay with her, and took
extra time off of work to help me out. I was so exhausted one night, that I just
couldn't stay awake, and Riichan was having trouble breathing. She stayed up all
night with him and probably saved his life.
So she helped me pack up all our stuff again, and moved me in with her. I was close
to my husband again, and she took me to see him a few times. She let him come visit
at her house, too, but made it very uncomfortable for him, and difficult, because the
place had to be almost spotless or she wouldn't let him come over (even though her
friends could) and almost spotless is VERY hard when you've just had a baby and moved
in the same week (long recovery period).
She helped care for Riichan, but often acted as if I was demanding help, when I was
only asking for it. She would shove it in my face that he was MY responsibility, not
hers. I never thought otherwise. If she was in a rush, I would tell her that if she
did X, Y and/or Z, we could leave soon, but if she didn't help, it might take me
hours to get ready to go somewhere. It was the truth, I was really worn down. 
I eventually moved in with my husband's grandmother (and so did he). Mom helped me
move again. She started to like my husband, but ONLY because he joined the military
AND she caught him getting bullied by a family member that reminds her of her ex.
He went to boot camp and I moved back in with her. It's really hard. I know she does
things to help me, but I have a hell of a time being grateful after a lot of the
things she's done. A lot of the things she does do are for my son, or are things SHE
wants done, so she helps ME when she does it, somehow... Like she'll insist on going
to a laundrymat TONIGHT, no matter how tired I am, then claims that she's helping me
by driving me places when it could have waited until daytime, and I could/would have
used the stroller (which I have to clean now because she got it dirty)
So what do you guys think? Am I acting spoiled, or is she a crazy (if helpful) bitch?
I don't even know how to talk to her anymore, so I focus everything on Riichan. It's
hard to start a fight when you're talking about how cute a baby is...

cutie779 says:   13 July 2009   885196  
wow! tht's really messed up
bt she's ur mom
no matter how crazy she is u gotta luv her
u must remember ur childhood
when she was everything 4 u
i don wanna sound like an old lady
bt u should try n understand her
(if it's too nosey then i'm sry)
bacobu says:   13 July 2009   291677  
No, you're not being nosey, I asked for advice and it's appreciated.
I know she did do a lot for me as a kid. Some of it was really sweet,
and some of it was a nightmare, but I think she did the best she
could. I just have a really hard time believing she loves me now.
I knew she didn't like my husband, but I thought she loved me until I
found out she treated him like a child by sending him away, and didn't
stop to think it would hurt me. She never even apologized.
It's not just that one thing, but it's the big thing. Now I feel like
she helps me because she's supposed to or because she wants to be near
her grandson. I don't feel like anything she does is because she loves
me and I don't trust her with much anymore.
I try to see things from her point of view, but I must not be getting
it right because she keeps throwing me curveballs. She didn't start
telling me about her past until I was about 16, so I don't have much
to go on. I feel like she doesn't want me to ask her about it more,
AmandaFTW says :   18 August 2009   244183  
im srry my mom is kinda like that cuz her bf


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