Wednesday, 8 April 2009
03:09:02 PM (GMT)
Dear whoever cares,
I never thought my mom would be one to talk about me
behind my back.
Much less to one of my friends. I mean, how stupid could she
possibly be to think I wouldn't hear about it when she
started ranting about Cliff to Colleen? Did she think that
Colleen would actually not tell me this? Or maybe she was
planning it, maybe she wants me to know she disapproves of
us. Well, I want her to know that she can kiss my ass if she
thinks I'm going to break up with Cliff just because she
doesn't like him.
Everything was going fine, I thought.
I mean, I told mom that Cliff (My boyfriend) apologized for making her feel
uncomfortable and that we wouldn't do anything in front of
her anymore but apparently that's not good enough for dear
old mommy. It was good enough for dad but not her.
And y'know, I wouldn't be so mad if she had come up to me
and talked about this instead of gossiping to Colleen (My friend) about it.
And I still don't think she had a right to get mad.
We kissed! We've been going out for a month and she
expects us not to kiss? I don't think so. And it's not like
we did it right in her face. We thought she wasn't looking
when she was driving the car. We were perfectly comfortable
in the back seat, him stealing little kisses from time to
time. And finally we had a kiss that was a bit longer than
the others and that's when dear mommy decided she wanted to
sneak a peek through the rear-view mirror to spy.
So, yeah. We kissed. And, yes, we did it for more than a
second. I'm sorry if that's not how mommy did it in the 70's.
And not only did she spy on me, yell at me, talk about
me behind my back, and totally break my heart; she decided
that she wanted to try and hook me up with Sam's (My other friend) brother.
Yeah, the dude who I met at Colleen's party. The dude who's
name I don't even know. The dude that my mom has met once
and that was for two seconds.
So she thinks a complete stranger is better than my boyfriend.
Good for her. If she likes him so much, she can
date him, not me. I'm perfectly fine with the boy I'm with
right this moment, but thanks anyway 'Cupid'.
I haven't done anything wrong.
But I buried what I felt was right and said all the things
mommy dearest wanted me to say, I gave into whatever she had
planted into her head that made her so angry and asked Cliff
to apologize for something that we're supposed to do. I let
her trash talk me and Cliff, I let her tell me how I should
act, I let her rant to me about how I didn't know anything
about any of this. And I did it all with out yelling, snapping,
screaming, or losing my cool. I think that's something I can
be proud of. But my mom is really pushing it, I'm so fucking
close to just snapping right her face about how she doesn't
know a fucking thing about me! About how she's too fucking
caught up in her own life to notice what used to go on at
home, how she couldn't even notice that her own little
daughter was sinking into that beautiful sea of depression
the a blade as her only life-jacket. I didn't have her to
talk to. I don't have her to talk to now, apparently.
I thought I could trust her, I thought I knew if something
was bothering her, she'd come to me about it. I thought she
would have the decency to keep this business of MINE private
instead of ranting about it to the whole fucking world.
I bet everyone that's come five feet of my mother knows now.
It all hurts me so much that I don't really know what
hurts the most.
Is it the lies? The yelling? The distrust? The broken heart?
The gossip? Or the fact that I can't so much as look my
mother in the eyes without seeing a traitor.
It all hurts. A lot. Maybe not equally but pretty damn close
I can't talk to Cliff about it today because he's
spending time with his friend. His friend is having problems
and needs someone to talk to. He probably needs him more
than I do, I'm sure. I'm used to that.
I mean, my life isn't that bad, is it?
I mean, I can still... never mind.
I feel like I'm in a house filled with enemies. I have no
one to talk to.
Brianne is in Washington DC,
Colleen is busy with school (The only reason I got to talk
to her today is because I went to Band with my dearest mother),
Cliff has to comfort his friend,
and Bridgette's probably a sleep already. . .
So, I guess all I have is you, kind stranger. But you won't talk back
to give me opinions on the story or anything, will you? If you would,
would I want to hear them? Who's side would you be on?
I guess it depend on if you're a mother right now...
I don't know, would you honestly put your daughter through
this? Would you lie to, gossip about her, get mad over a kiss? I didn't think so...
But thanks for reading this stupid little time waster.
I'm sure you had better things to do than read about my problems...
So, I give you my deepest and most sincere thanks.
There aren't a lot of people out there, like you...
There should be, but there aren't.
Keep it up. You could save a life one day.
Last edited: 8 April 2009