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This diary entry is written by awesome_babe. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Flat Belly in category humor

hahahahahaCategory: humor
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
04:26:03 AM (GMT)
Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your father would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move




I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more
than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the dog
36 times you did not come home until two
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your legs
29 times you had to get up early and go fishing
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while watching a dirty movie
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer
me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

‹Your.Fatal.Attraction› says:   27 June 2007   753998  
hahaha thats very funny i really cant stop laughin man that is
GizzyGirl123 says :   27 June 2007   174774  
LOL dats funny


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