you can read it if you'd like

it's sad 

http://figment.com/books/542706-Fault

the worst moment
is when it hits you
how horrid the situation is
and you sink to the ground
and cover your face with your hands
and cry.

it's one thing to be sad
another to be depressed
and another to be in between.

when one is sad, it should be simple 
or even easy
to cheer them up.

when one is depressed, it's very difficult
to go on with life
even smiling takes an effort.

it's one thing to be sad
another to be depressed
and another to be in between.

when one is sad, it should be simple 
or even easy
to cheer them up.

when one is depressed, it's very difficult
to go on with life
even smiling takes an effort.

but what do you do if you're in between?

what if it's up and down
one minute, the simplest thing 
could make you smile
but the next
you feel like nothing
will ever
be okay again.

being in between 
is the worst
because i don't know
how to get better
or if i ever will.

...
.....
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have you ever had your heart broken?
had it shattered to bits and pieces?

how about going completely numb, 
so you can't even feel the pain?
or suddenly realizing there's a black hole 
where your heart used to be?

ever felt like breaking something,
smashing it to smithereens?
to relieve some kind of emotion?

have you ever had your heart broken?
had it shattered to bits and pieces?

how about going completely numb, 
so you can't even feel the pain?
or suddenly realizing there's a black hole 
where your heart used to be?

ever felt like breaking something,
smashing it to smithereens?
to relieve some kind of emotion?

what about breaking down?
to collapse on the floor and sob?

ever felt useless, betrayed, not good enough?
or hopeless, depressed, terrified?
a fake smile on your lips, but completely empty inside?

have you ever had your heart broken?

...
.....
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Here is my heart:
A few chips here and there
The tiniest of slivers down the middle
A very, very, very faint crack from years ago
More sensitive, but otherwise whole.

Here is my heart when this all began:
The same, but excited
Glowing bright red
Pounding when I see you
Practically leaping out of my chest.

Here is my heart:
A few chips here and there
The tiniest of slivers down the middle
A very, very, very faint crack from years ago
More sensitive, but otherwise whole.

Here is my heart when this all began:
The same, but excited
Glowing bright red
Pounding when I see you
Practically leaping out of my chest.

Here is my heart in the summer:
Fearful of what could happen
Hiding, blowing it off
Putting my feelings in a box in the very back of my mind
Telling myself I'm not ready, pretending I'm over it.

Here is my heart a few months ago:
Unsure of itself, but ready to start again
Taking on new experiences
Still scared, still sensitive, maybe not ready
But happy.

Here is my heart today:
Chipped pieces flying off
A bigger crack down the middle
Falling, falling endlessly to the pit of my stomach
Reliving a horrible memory.

Here is my heart:
Battling with my mind
It's relentless
My head is screaming at me to let go
But my heart is equally loud, telling me to hold on.

...
.....
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lifeless
done
sweaty
clammy
pounding head
feel the tears forming
drooping mouth
heart wont stop
beating
dropping to the pit of my stomach
broken

I told Joe I like him.
He didn't believe me at first.
I asked what he thinks of me, if he likes me or doesn't or doesn't know. He said
"Idk". 
I said if he doesn't like me that way at all, it's okay, he can say so. He said
"Alright".
So basically, I don't know how he feels about me.
But I kind of think he likes my other friend who likes him, and not me.
The sad thing is, this crush is getting worse.
I'm actually a tiny bit worried that I might start falling in love with him, though I
don't know why the hell I would.