I always thought I had a lot of friends. Not just people I know, actual friends who
care. As of now though, it feels like every friend I had has just drifted away
without so much as a glance in my direction. It's like everyone is moving up and I'm
just stuck here on the ground. For the first time in my life I feel as if I have no
real friends. I don't understand what happened. I try to make new friends but it
seems like the world is just not interested. I dunno. I guess I'm just sad from all
the rain.

I never know what to do with myself on days I don't have class. The rest of the
world is making plans to go out and I'm always the girl who's left at home. I don't
even go out for fun unless I'm going with my family. For someone my age that's just
pathetic. When I was younger I was never home on the weekends or after school. I was
I always thought I had a lot of friends. Not just people I know, actual friends who
care. As of now though, it feels like every friend I had has just drifted away
without so much as a glance in my direction. It's like everyone is moving up and I'm
just stuck here on the ground. For the first time in my life I feel as if I have no
real friends. I don't understand what happened. I try to make new friends but it
seems like the world is just not interested. I dunno. I guess I'm just sad from all
the rain.

I never know what to do with myself on days I don't have class. The rest of the
world is making plans to go out and I'm always the girl who's left at home. I don't
even go out for fun unless I'm going with my family. For someone my age that's just
pathetic. When I was younger I was never home on the weekends or after school. I was
always with my friends doing something. Some sort of switch must have gone off and
screwed up everything. Ugh, the only friend who would actually enjoy spending time
with me isn't even in the state. 

Do you ever just feel completely alone? I do.

...
.....
show full post

Saw this diary entry that just irked the hell out of me so I wrote a comment. The
diary was something along the lines of, "I'm an emo kid but i wasn't always emo and
now my not emo friends hate me because I'm not emo blah blah blah." But of course
with horrid spelling and inadequate grammar. I see crap like this all the time.
There are even forums out there that are separated by what clique you think you're
in. Seriously? Is that what we've come to? Ugh, anyway before I get into a rant
about that here's the comment I left. I figure it's too good to be limited to just a
comment that no one will see so I'm making it it's own little diary entry. 

"Hmmm, this is all a bit ridiculous. Who cares if people don't like
you? Not like there aren't a million other people in the world. And
why does everyone label themselves? I don't see a tag line above
Saw this diary entry that just irked the hell out of me so I wrote a comment. The
diary was something along the lines of, "I'm an emo kid but i wasn't always emo and
now my not emo friends hate me because I'm not emo blah blah blah." But of course
with horrid spelling and inadequate grammar. I see crap like this all the time.
There are even forums out there that are separated by what clique you think you're
in. Seriously? Is that what we've come to? Ugh, anyway before I get into a rant
about that here's the comment I left. I figure it's too good to be limited to just a
comment that no one will see so I'm making it it's own little diary entry. 

"Hmmm, this is all a bit ridiculous. Who cares if people don't like
you? Not like there aren't a million other people in the world. And
why does everyone label themselves? I don't see a tag line above
everyone's head. We're not something you can just type into google. If
someone gives you a label and then doesn't like you because of it well
that just makes them idiots. And if you don't like that and try to
fight it then you're an even bigger idiot for fighting over a made up
word that someone slapped on you. Change your clothes your hair your
face whatever. People do that. You don't just toss every kid who wears
Hollister into a bucket and mark it PREP. We're not fish at market. We
don't need a label to broadcast to potential buyers what we are. You
can say, "Oh, I'm not really into sports so I usually don't hang out
with people who love them." instead of saying, "I'm a goth kid so I
don't hang out with jocks." Do you see how stupid that sounds? The
world's a melting pot full of a multitude of personalities and
physical traits but all in all people are people. You can label a cat
a cat even though they all have different physical features. So why
can't people just call each other people? Same basic principle isn't
it? No need to get huffy because someone doesn't like how you do your
hair or something. If a friend decides that they don't like you
anymore because of some stupid generalized organizational clique then
clearly, they were never worth the effort anyhow. The true key to
happiness is to just not give a shit. Or at least not about trivial
things. There are more important things to worry about rather than
what group society dropped you in. No person is just one thing so why
even bother with a singular label?"


And there you have it! Sometimes I think I'm part of a dying race of intelligence.
Got something to say about all of this? Well, that's why thy have that nifty little
comment box down at the bottom of this page. You click in the box and type (On those
little keys with the letters) what you want to say and then you click that pretty
little submit button. Hopefully that wasn't too difficult to understand. If you
don't get it I'd say send me a message but if you did that then I'd have to hit you
with a hammer. 

I know, I can be such a bitch when faced with the increasing stupidity of the world.
Oh well!!
Toodles~

...
.....
show full post

First off don't ask me about the events that led up to all of this. Is not important
and I wouldn't tell you anyway. I just think my mental reasoning is funny.

Alright so why didn't I kill myself?
Well first I figured "If I survive this school's going to be a bitch to catch up
on...."
Second, "My parents are going to have a massive medical bill for this...."
Third, "What if I live and I'm fucked up for the rest of my life? my brain could
deform or something!"

Yup. There you have it folks. I think I have a problem. Oh well. 

First off don't ask me about the events that led up to all of this. Is not important
and I wouldn't tell you anyway. I just think my mental reasoning is funny.

Alright so why didn't I kill myself?
Well first I figured "If I survive this school's going to be a bitch to catch up
on...."
Second, "My parents are going to have a massive medical bill for this...."
Third, "What if I live and I'm fucked up for the rest of my life? my brain could
deform or something!"

Yup. There you have it folks. I think I have a problem. Oh well. 

Me and my sister were talking about how if I jumped in front of a moving car or
something and lived that i would be a quadriplegic or something and have to talk
with a computer. I would just type, "Kill me." and "Fuck you." all the time so my
sister would put the computer on top of the fridge. And then she would laugh at me.
Plus how would I fit through the door? That's that little theory.

I know, I'm not quite right. -shrug- too bad I don't care!

Toodles!

...
.....
show full post

So i've been working on a metal man picture. Just messing around with my new photo
shop and such. I've had an idea for a jester but haven't gotten it down on paper
yet. ASide from that I really don't have many new ideas in my head. It's rather
frustrating honestly. I'm an artist so I draw but it's kind of hard to fulfill that
obligation when my mind is a black hole of doom from which no productive thing
returns. So anyone out there got any interesting ideas for me? I've been considering
making my own tarot deck but that probably won't be for awhile until I get photoshop
more figured out. I really like eccentric and somewhat disturbing things. People
with metal faces, tubes coming out of their skin, sharp teeth, you know stuff like
that. *points to Biohazard Man in picstream* 

I'm really counting on you guys! I need some major help before my creative vision
So i've been working on a metal man picture. Just messing around with my new photo
shop and such. I've had an idea for a jester but haven't gotten it down on paper
yet. ASide from that I really don't have many new ideas in my head. It's rather
frustrating honestly. I'm an artist so I draw but it's kind of hard to fulfill that
obligation when my mind is a black hole of doom from which no productive thing
returns. So anyone out there got any interesting ideas for me? I've been considering
making my own tarot deck but that probably won't be for awhile until I get photoshop
more figured out. I really like eccentric and somewhat disturbing things. People
with metal faces, tubes coming out of their skin, sharp teeth, you know stuff like
that. *points to Biohazard Man in picstream* 

I'm really counting on you guys! I need some major help before my creative vision
explodes!!!!!



Okay have a nice day~

...
.....
show full post

I fucking love them.
Don't give me your bullshit about labels cause I really don't care for the argument
in general. I love scene kids. The fashion is so much fun! Plus they're all fecking
hot if they do it right. They're like pokemon. I want to catch them all O_O

Oh em gosh I'm a creeper..... Oh well. Woo for brightly colored skinny jeans!!!!!
FECK YES!!!

Leave me the fuck alone. How pathetic is it to blacklist someone and then send them
lame ass comments?
Oooh congratulations you've entered a new level of stupidity.
Just fuck off. I don't care about you. Don't you have something better to do?
Ugh Twilight blows, and I'm WAY better looking than you okay?
Have a nice day.

All week I noticed some of my friends, these being the ones I've known since
middleschool not the newer ones, have been acting strange. I notice they're getting
more and more distant. I have a class with one of my 'close' friends and she doesn't
say a word to me ever unless I say something to her. One of my friends even decided
to go around talking shit about me to everyone and then lied about it to my face.
Yadda yadda people acting fucking strange as hell. So I ask one of my friends who I
know is a trust worthy kind of girl, if they all just don't want to be around me
anymore or what's going on. She says to me that it's true. Most of my old friends
don't want to be around me anymore. When I ask why she tells me it's because I smoke
and because I go to the key. (The key is a youth organization downtown where alot of
kids hang out and all that unionofyouth.org). First off one of my friends is on the
board at they key and they still talk to him. Second off she says I've changed alot.
All week I noticed some of my friends, these being the ones I've known since
middleschool not the newer ones, have been acting strange. I notice they're getting
more and more distant. I have a class with one of my 'close' friends and she doesn't
say a word to me ever unless I say something to her. One of my friends even decided
to go around talking shit about me to everyone and then lied about it to my face.
Yadda yadda people acting fucking strange as hell. So I ask one of my friends who I
know is a trust worthy kind of girl, if they all just don't want to be around me
anymore or what's going on. She says to me that it's true. Most of my old friends
don't want to be around me anymore. When I ask why she tells me it's because I smoke
and because I go to the key. (The key is a youth organization downtown where alot of
kids hang out and all that unionofyouth.org). First off one of my friends is on the
board at they key and they still talk to him. Second off she says I've changed alot.
I ask my mom and my best friend and they don't think I've changed. Yes, I've had to
mature alot over the summer considering all the crap I went through
*cough*dying*cough*. I just look at my friends and notice all the stupid drama they
all get into and I want no part of it. Just because I'm old enough to not get into
that crap I've changed? Seriously!? But the excuses I was given don't make any
friggin sense to me. It's not like I'm smoking pot or anything and I have tried to
quit. But still! I don't push anything on them or ask them to even try anything
because I don't want to. I just don't get it. How can people I've been such good
friends with for so long just suddenly turn their backs on me. It's hurtful to say
the least. I don't even know if my more recent friends from this summer even like me
that much. If they don't then I'm left with, well nearly nothing. It depresses me but
then I think fuck them. I like who I am now. I do what I want, wear what I want, say
what I want and I'm free now. I have a boyfriend who's amazing, and I've gone
through ALOT, yet I'm still me. If they can't see any of that then I guess they're
not very good friends.


But still. It hurts when people you're close to just walk away with not much of an
explanation....

...
.....
show full post