[I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic]

[I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists]

[I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun]

[I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz]

[I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed]

[I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart]

[I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic]

[I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists]

[I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun]

[I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz]

[I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed]

[I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart]

[I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser]

[I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy]

[I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS]

[I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape]

[I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist]

[I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch]

[I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat]

[I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world]

[I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals]

[I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people]

[I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible]

[I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay]

[I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy]

[I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants]

[I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a drunk son of a bitch]

[I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store]

[I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage]

[I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore]

[I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore]

[I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut]

[I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs]

[I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive]

[I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob]

[I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo]

[I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of
girlfriend]

[I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars]

[I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border]

[I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy]

[I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore]

[I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut]

[I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals]

[I'm ITALIAN, so I must be a gangster]

[I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST]

[I'm GORGEOUS, so I MUST not be a virgin]

[I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life]

[I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention]

[I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention]

[I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual]

[I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist]

[I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all]

[I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay]

[I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe]

[I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer]

[I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser]

[I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll]

[I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi]

[I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO]

[I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT]

[I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited]

[I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13]

[I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy]

[I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy]

[I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas]

[I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction]

[I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude]

[I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent]

[I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... or crazy]

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and Kool-Aid

[I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot]

[I'm ASIAN so I MUST have a small penis]

[I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat]

[I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly]

[I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7]

[I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals]

[I'm MIXED so I must be SEXY]

[I listen to MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, so I MUST be a scene kid]

[I play SOCCER so I must be a WIMP]

[I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be covered up at all times]

[I'm in ORCHESTRA/BAND, so I must be a geek]

[I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA]

[I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect]

[I'm DEPRESSED so I MUST be emo and cut myself]

[I POP MY COLLAR so I MUST be stuck up and bitchy]

[I SPEAK MY MIND so I MUST be stuck up and hate everyone]

...
.....
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My dog chewed through my internets cable, so ill not be on till we get a new one.

im at a friends house, i am eternally grateful for letting me use their computer :]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I
grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one. --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used
to be," she remorsefully replied. --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I
grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one. --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used
to be," she remorsefully replied. --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the
patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now
both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top
line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
exam. --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I
asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. --Dr.
Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you
been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for
about twenty years -- when my husband was alive." --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis,
OR

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this
morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female
pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
the song you were whistling was "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener." --won't admit
his name

...
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Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a
good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two
weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today
and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate
in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell
me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or
you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a
good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two
weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today
and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate
in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell
me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or
you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together!

Have a great life! > Your EX-Wife

***********************************************************
********************************

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I
have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what
you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too
bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the
first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to
not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER,
because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had
on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and
your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your
letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I
hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

...
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Jane was a poor kid from the town of Graham. She was a good vocalist, and her

 friends Claire and Sadie could play drums and guitar.  During school on a Monday,

Claire came  to Jane’s  table at  lunch. “Hey, guess what?” said Claire,
holding a piece 

of paper neatly folded. “What?” was all Jane replied. With her mouth full of bad


cafeteria food, It kind of sounded like “Whaf?”. “Well,” said Claire, ”I
got three tickets 
Jane was a poor kid from the town of Graham. She was a good vocalist, and her

 friends Claire and Sadie could play drums and guitar.  During school on a Monday,

Claire came  to Jane’s  table at  lunch. “Hey, guess what?” said Claire,
holding a piece 

of paper neatly folded. “What?” was all Jane replied. With her mouth full of bad


cafeteria food, It kind of sounded like “Whaf?”. “Well,” said Claire, ”I
got three tickets 

to the concert on Sunday.” “So we’re going to get to go watch the concert?”
Jane 

asked. “Well, kind of.” Claire said. “A guy came to our door yesterday and
said that he

 heard us play yesterday at the concert in the park, and that we could open for 

Idiocracy at the concert!” “Really? Oh my God, that’s awesome!” Jane said,
in shock. 

“I know, isn’t it?” Claire said with her snorting laugh. “Does Sadie know
yet?” Jane 

asked. “Yeah, I told her earlier” Claire said. The bell rang, and Claire and
Jane went to 

their classes and met after school with Sadie to talk about it, and then went home

 excitedly.

          On Saturday, they all went to Sadie’s house and practiced.  On Sunday 

morning, they did a short practice session and drove to the concert. They set up
their 

stuff on stage, and as the announcer started the show, there was the sound of a man

 yelling, and then the sound of a gunshot. Sadie, Claire, and Jane rushed backstage
to

 see what happened. Idiocracy’s singer, John Maxell was laying on the ground dead!


Everyone looked around and found nothing, but no one had come in or out of the

auditorium since the show started.

“Set up a metal detection thing!” Jane ordered, “Block the exits, Watch out,

everyone,  find the killer!” Jane had taken over and people began getting in line
 
for the metal detection booth. All of a sudden, a man in a mask ran out 

of line and fled the auditorium and into his car. Jane was fast though, and got in
her 

car and chased him to an area where police had a roadblock set up. The police got
him

out of his car and to the ground and pulled of his mask. It was the band’s
drummer, 

Tom Alman! “Why did you shoot him, Tom?” Jane asked, anger and sadness in her 

voice. “He always tried to steal my spotlight” Tom yelled “He didn’t deserve
to be 

singer! I had a way better voice than his, but I had to play the drums because he

 wanted to be singer.” Jane grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him violently.


“So you killed him! You shot him! Just because you wanted to sing!” She pushed
his 

head into the sidewalk. She got up and the officers got him into the car. “Well,
for the 

rest of his life, he’ll be singing the blues.” one officer said to her. Tom was
convicted

of first degree murder and sentenced for life without parole.

      Jane, Sadie, and Claire were invited to play at John’s funeral. They were
honored 

to play at his funeral

...
.....
show full post

Ohyes, you heard right.
I'm completely obsessed with Ludo, I'm gonna post their entire EP

First of all, I'm sorry I've been gone for like 2 months. I got three f's so I got
grounded. xD Their high achiever isnt a genius anymore, is he Mom! Also, I'm not
going to be on much anymore, and sorry Katie, but I've got to keep my mind set in
real life, so I think we should break up, soz.....