Just some stupidly funny crimes that are actually true...
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.
The police showed up at the victim's house after receiving a call of a break in while the man was away at work. The
house was in a nice upper-middle class neighborhood. The police walked around to the side of the house with the victim,
where they were shown the pried open sliding glass patio door. Clearly the entrance for the criminal. When asked if
anything in the house was missing the man said nothing except his stash of marijuana. Police, not believing what they
had just heard asked the man to repeat himself. The man, realizing that he had just admitted to possessing an illegal
drug stammered and finally said, "oh forget the whole thing." He waved the police off and went back into his house. The
police walked away laughing.
Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A
police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask
over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk
sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
The two suspects had been apprehended and now sat in a courtroom at the defendant's table. A witness was on the stand
being asked questions by the prosecutor. "And ma'am you say you were robbed of your purse on the street?" Yes sir, the
witness answered. "And the two men who robbed you, are they here in the courtroom today?" Before the witness could
answer both defendants raised their hands. The judge and jury laughed openly.
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose
from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight.
"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
Germany: A German toolmaker has been arrested for extortion after threatening auto maker Daimler-Benz. The unnamed man
had demanded a helicopter and millions of German marks, or he would "kill drivers of Mercedes cars...".
Los Angeles, California: Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself
during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Virginia Beach: A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money
exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running
out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking
place inside his pants."
Modesto, CA: Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used
a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
New York: Richard Avella, a 350 pound New York man, entered a Long Island jewelry store, drew a gun, and told the clerk,
"This is a stick-up," then tripped and fell to the floor. He was unable to get up before police arrived.
Crystal, Kentucky: Ron Hoffman of Crystal, Kentucky, picked up a machete and lopped off the red roof light of a
Pennsylvania state police cruiser. After his arrest, Hoffman explained it was "just something he always wanted to
Netherlands: An airline pilot has been sentenced to four months in jail. Wim de Nijs was convicted of jamming the air
traffic control frequency and jeopardizing airport safety, by singing the "Flintstones" theme over the radio for 20
minutes while landing his plane.
Wichita, Kansas: Police arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16
(Location Unknown): A young teller was new to the job when she was approached by her first robber. Noticing that the
man's grammar was not the greatest, the teller figured that the would be criminal was slightly slow. She told the robber
that he had to have an account to rob a bank. Disappointed, the man left.
(Location Unknown): A criminal who broke into a couple's house started to take the TV, but instead he turned it on and
began to watch. He supposedly liked the program that was on and laid down on the bed. Since it was at night he was tired
and fell asleep. So when the couple came home the next day they found him and called the police.
Radnor, Pennsylvania: Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires
to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time
they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Ionia, Michigan: When two service station attendants refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man
threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
Some criminals are not too bright and here's one to prove that: (at the time of booking)
Officer: What is your D.O.B.?
Criminal: What's a D.O.B., man?
Officer: When's your birthday?
Criminal: May 5th
Officer: What year?
Criminal: Every year, man.