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a lil depressed

thinking about you all day
when will life take me away
take me away so i can be with you
everything i do reminds me of you
cant go one night without crying
myself to sleep or dreaming of the 
special times we had
i have a mask that doesnt show my pain
people eat it up like an all you can eat buffet
on the outside im alive
in the inside im dead
like a garden in the winter
beautiful at one time but when the 
warmth leaves
its gone forever

when my heart breaks i try to fix it with glue
but the truth is that its not fixed
it wont ever heal
the pain wont leave
i scream and cry
my heart wont heal
try to get you out my head
thinking it wont hurt so bad
finding that trying to forget
makes a bigger wound
another that wont get FIXED!

people see
what they dont know
is the pain inside of me
didnt go as quik as i thought it would
bleeding on the inside
crying myself to sleep
dreaming about what it would be like
what it would be like if you were still here
but no one will ever see the truth
the real feelings i have 
the smiles are fake
the laughs arent real
and will never be

fleeting thoughs running through my head
why wont you understand?
you cant see the things i feel
to wound up in your life
cant find you
youre gone and now memories are fading
broken bones may fix 
but nothing can fix a broken heart

i lay awake at night 
thinking about you
thinking of your slippers
nice and white
i can see you waking up
youre here with me
i hear you laugh
i can see your smile
but now its gone 
fading slowly
no dont go
i wake up
now im crying
wishing your here to stay
i ty to see that it was your time to leave
but ill never understand 
why he takes before we say goodbye.

many people can see me laugh
but the laugh every one loves is gone
i hide my tears
so no one know
i dont tell no one
they dont know how it feels
for someone you love
taht you just said hello to
go somewhere forever with out getting a chance to say

hugs and kisses are what i miss
but i want is you here
to replace the agony that has come since u left
it brought tears down my face
i lay awake
promising myself that it will be okay
i know im lying to myself
i dont have the energy to go on one day
faking smiles so no one knows
many fall for the mask that i use to cover up all the rigid and horrible feelings
many fall for it
i miss you so much
i dont know what to do
or who i am 
life is different with out you hear.

Grandma Gerry died in her sleep December 8th, 2009
but lives strongly in my heart!
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  baby_girl_luvs_u — Page created: 14 January 2010
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