Warning: this will probably become something both gory and somewhat
sexual. So, either be mature enough to read it, or don't bitch when I scar your innocent little mind. Okay?
I guess the first thing to start off with is my background, yeah? Ok, good. Well, there isn't much to say simply because
I don't want to reveal too much.
I found myself in the wrong guy at an early age & from there I was both emotionally and mentally abused until my entire
life revolved around him.
I had this torture for 3 years with breaks in between when I was being "punished". Punishments were always the worst
because even though he wasn't actually here, I still felt physical pain from it. I got my first real boyfriend when I
was I was in 8th grade. I'd had others before, but I don't count them for various reasons.
He was my light and my love, unfortunately, I was still caught in the web of my abuser, constantly being grounded
because of him and I could tell my boyfriend was becoming frustrated. And so, after 7 months, he broke up with me.
I was still with Him, though. There wasn't a day when I didn't try to break the hold he had on me, but it was too strong
until I met my saviour.
My parents found a new form of therapy called DBT and decided to try it out. I was resentful at first since this was
what seemed to be the 67th therapy centre I'd gone to, but after getting to know my therapist and her telling me she
wasn't going to allow me to give up, I started my journey toward finally healing.
Now, after a year of being with her, I am in a wonderful relationship and my abuser is a thing of my past.
That's all for now, maybe next time I'll go into more detail.
My opinion on 50 Shades & Why I hate it
Okay, first of all, let's get one thing cleared up. This isn't just a BDSM romance novel, this is soft BDSM bullshit,
this looks like she got her info off Google.
Everyone is so hyped up about it and yes, I get it, as humans we have secret desires but, oh my god, the media is
turning this into more than it actually is.
I've been in that type of relationship, I had to show him my wardrobe and he would pick out my outfit. He would tell me
who I could and could not talk to. It was okay for awhile until things went very wrong.
All of a sudden, I was slicing open my skin because he wanted me to. The high was amazing, but at the same time, he
scared the crap out of me. In a moment of trust, I had given him personal information: my address, where I went to
school, he had access to my Facebook account, he had all my passwords to everything.
I couldn't back out. He could ruin my entire life with one click of his mouse. I know what you're thinking: "Why did you
do that? It's your fault".
Because this relationship is built on trust. I trusted him to not only take care if me but to keep me safe and in
return, I gave him my servitude.
The Submissive has control of the relationship. They are the ones who set boundaries and limits. The Dominant can not do
something that hasn't been previously discussed by both parties. The Submissive is trusting the Dominant not to cross
In Submission there is trust. In Dominance there is control. In both there is love.
People don't understand what really goes on. How, one day everything seems fine and then you're in an abusive
relationship with no way out.
I'm not saying it's always like that, there are good people within the community. I'm just merely pointing out the
I know girls who have been part of the community for years. They're older and have experience, but they say the same
thing: You always take a risk trusting someone with your body, mind and soul.
Maybe it's just me, maybe my past is clouding my judgement. But I can honestly say that if you don't know what you're
getting into, don't do it.
"You, do you know that all bad girls go to hell?" -Whore by Get Scared
Well, I guess that I am a whore. I mean, who else has a sex drive like a crazy person and when she's high, she has sex
and it's so fucking amazing? Who else looks at herself in the mirror and sees a slut, a girl who can't control her
urges? I have issues and I know it. I have issues and I can't help it. Last year, I would meet this guy up in a closet
during lunch and we would have sex. He was dating someone and I was dating someone, whom I broke up with because he was
creepy as fuck. Normally, I can have fun and not have any attachments, but I still struggle with it. I became attached
to someone who isn't even that good looking simply because he was giving me the release I needed.
So, I blackmailed him.
He sent an email to all the guidance counsellors in my school saying I was a danger to myself and others. At first, they
thought I wrote it. I was on out-of-school suspension for a week and I had to have my therapist write a letter saying I
wasn't a danger and was safe to go back to school. Everything was falling apart. I was constantly having meetings with
my guidance counsellor or the principal & vice principal. They searched both my bag and locker and I felt so...violated.
I world was turning on it's head. Three months earlier, my boyfriend of seven months broke up with me, I was emotionally
unstable and was spiralling into a dark path that I feared I would never come back from.
Does that make me loose? I don't know.
A message to him
We need to promise to never speak of this again. We need to promise to stop trying. All we do is fail and we can never
fix it. We don't wipe the slate clean, we continue to write on top of what's already there. All we have now is a slate
with three years of shit on it. Yeah, no matter how many times we forgive, no matter how hard we try to make it right,
this isn't easy. Sometimes I wonder if it's actually worth it. If it's worth "us".
I fucked up again because of you. Are you happy now? Are you happy now that I'm under your control once more?