A million reasons why I fail
adding more later as they come.
this one is the worst.
Lexie: I think he's chinese.
Me: No. I think hes asian....
Lexie: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
i fail too much
JAKE: NO STUBBYUNUN
me: YES GOD UNUNUNUN
jake:MY MOM DOESNT LIKE IT EITHER UNUN
me: SEE ITS AN AMMENDMENT!!!!!! OBEY YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER UN
jake: NO! UNUNUN
me:YES IT IS FUCKING JEW
jake: COMMANDMENT GOD
LMFAO I LOVE THIS ONE
me: JWREIFJEIRGJIERJ EAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
bryan: WHATS YOUR PROBLEM???
me: I DONT KNOW I HAVE MANY <3
bryan: HATE MAKES YOU UGLY
me: WHAT THE FUCK AM I GUNNA LOOK LIKE TOMORROW???
Bryan:1234 I tear my heart open
Me: blood and guts
Bryan: I sew myself shut
Me: oww the needle
Bryan: my weaknesses
Me: I fail
Bryan: have caved too much
Bryan: the scars remind me
Me: ohhhh the scars!!!
Bryan: what are you doing?
Me: Shut the fuck up you fucking douche!
Bryan: what the fuck do I look like I go in vaginas?
me: bryan dont come in im changing.
k so i get done and i open his door real fast and the door knob comes off and im like WHAT and i look up and he jerks
around he goes "IM DANCIN" lmfao. i died.
bryan: dude. seriously?
me: FUCKING A! /smacks and runs
bryan: /starts chasing me
me: my pants fall down to my ankles DADDY HELP ME MY PANTS ARE FALLING. LMFAO
bryan: /throws banana at me
me: AHHHH FIRST A PICKLE NOW THIS.
bryan: AHEAHHIWJEIWAJIAJ /wipes banana poo on my door
me: /throws banana poo on bryans floor
bryan: OHGOD DADDYS COMIN
me: /sits on floor real fast
me: i was cleaning my room!
daddy: youre in the hallway floor!
me: uh. HE WIPED POO ON MY DOOR LOOK ITS SLIDING DOWN
bryan: will you name me some types of cancer?
me: uhm... testicular... skin. brain. breast.
bryan: DADDY CANNOT DIE OF BREAST CANCER.
me: YES HE CAN.
bryan: SHUUSH.NO. STOP.
bryan: GO MAKE SURE BRAIN CANCER IS REAL
me: WTF BRYAN IT IS. IM IN HIGHSCHOOL I WOULD KNOW
bryan: WELL I MEAN I CAN SO IMAGINE ME BEING LIKE 'AND MY DAD DIED OF BRAIN CANCER' and shes like 'BRYAN WHAT THE FUCK
bryan: i just went to look up cancer and guess what popped up? BALLS! THEN I TYPED IN BRAIN CANCER AND BRAIN TUMOR BRAIN
TUMOR BRAIN TUMOR BRAIN SHIT CAME UP. and im like WTF BRAIN SHIT?.................... my dad died of brain shit. my mom
also died of arm shit... my DOGGIE HAD AN ASS TUMOR
Bryan: ohmygod listen to this.... This morning I was at mamaws trying to make it seem like I had a high fever. I knew I
had a low one but I was trying to get to stay home. So I'm like ok. So I get hot fucking water and burn my fucking mouth
and I'm like well ok she may get my head temp. So I put hot water on my head and then no fucking way i love this
part....... She comes out with an ear thermometer!!!!!
Lmfaooo I loved that one.
MY WHOLE FAMILY FAILS.
my mom: LOOK ITS EATING ITS NOSE!!!!!(talking about an elephant)
my dad: ELEPHANTS PICK THINGS UP WITH THEIR NOSE..... like food.
my mom: oh..
me: LETS GO IN THIS DARK ALLY!
my dad: NO
me:/walks in dark ally
my dad: OH MY GOD KRISTINA IF YOU GET US KILLED IM GUNNA KILL YOU
my dad: KRISTINA GET UPPPPPP.
my dad: KRISTINAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GEEEET UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP WE HAVE TO GETTTT UPPPPPPPPPPP
my dad: GET UP /starts jumping on my bed
my dad: ohmygod! it probably sounds like were bangin!!!!!!!!
me: WHAT THE FUCK IM WAKING UP TO "IT SOUNDS LIKE WERE BANGIN"
me: /stands straight up I FEEL KINGS OF LEON IN MY TUMMY /falls on dads bed
my dad: KRISTINA GET THE FUCK UP!
me: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU NOT SEE THAT. I JUST GOT UP!!!!!!!
MY FRIENDS FAIL TOO
Abby: LOOK ITS JESUS
me: thats steven. hes cool. he looks like a caveman though.
I JUST SAVED A TON OF MONEY BY SWITCHING MY CAR INSURANCE TO GEICO
/steven turns around
abby: OHMYGOD SCARY JESUS
me: FUCK YOU lmfao GO DIE ON A BRIDGE!
tay: AFTER YOU GIVE BIRTH TO AN ELEPHANT!
Parker: dude. She's ugly. And Hawaiian!
KIDS THAT LOVE ME THAT I DONT LOVE BACK AND I FAIL
olivia: she has her lip pierced now
me: YES IM NOT SHANTA ANYMORE JUST YESSSSSS
emma: no.... now youre rock n roll shanta
me: OHMYGOD EMILY I NEVER KNEW THERE WERE SO MANY SHANTAS..
^ thats just FML