Once upon a time in nowhere, there was a boy by the name of Jerkoff. Jerkoff was very popular at school with the
ladies. Every Friday night, Jerkoff would take a group of ladies in his purple limo and club till dawn. Jerkoff had it
made in every way possible. He was rich, handsome, and healthy. However, he had a very small penis. Microscopic. One day
he went atop of Blue Ball hill and made a wish to God. He wished for a bigger penis. Just then, a thunderstorm rolled in
over the hills. The lightning bolts came close to Jerkoff. Jerkoff tried to run, but he wasn't fast enough. A bolt came
and shocked Jerkoff's penis right off! Jerkoff blacked out from the pain.
The next morning, he woke up in a dumpster. Remembering what had happened the previous night, he took off his pants. He
was a girl! Jerkoff screamed and ran and ran!!! He ran all the way to somewhere and stopped upon some railroad tracks.
He tripped and fell. He could not get up! A train was comming. Jerkoff made another wish to god. He wished to be off the
tracks. Just then, the oncomming train teleported to within a few meters of jerkoff, and it ran him over. However, he
did not die. He had magical powers that kept him alive in order to make this story longer. Jerkoff felt powerful.
He went back to his school and surprised all of his ladies with the anti-penis dance. They wernt impressed. They slapped
him silly for making fun of their sexual orientation and went to go make out in a big orgy pile. Jerkoff wanted to die,
but he couldnt because he had magical powers. He went to the emo kids for help. The king emo kid, Razr, told Jerkoff
about a magic tool used to slice ones wrist. Razr said that the only place to find such a tool was to go on a long and
dangerous quest to the drug store!! Jekroff wasnt up to this alone, so he asked Razr if his minions could tag along.
Razr said no, because they'd be late for a 9 Inch Nails concert. So, Jerkoff had to find companions. He went to the
skater dudes. Scabz, the Skate king dude, agreed to aid Jerkoff.
So it was settled. Jerkoff and his gang of skateboard-wielding punks set off for the drug store. They barely made it off
campus before they ran into Mr. Tardlard, the school dean. Mr. Tardlard was your typical asshat who helps run a
highschool. Short, stocky, and very unattractive. Luckily, Jerkoff and his crew had a magic flying carpet woven from
potleaves. They flew right over Mr. Tardlard and headed for the store of drugs.
Along the way on the corner of Anal ave and Phallus st, they encountered a gang of bong-totting hippies. The hippies saw
the magic flying carpet made of potleaves and demanded they have it. They shot Jerkoff and his gang down somehow. The
hippies beat Jerkoff and his thugs with their bongs, then ran away with the magic carpet.
Disgruntled, Jerkoff and his wankers headed for Wong's drug store. Once there, they found the magic tool to cut
yourself. Jerkoff got some of these tools and attempted to cut. However, he could not. No, it wasnt because he had
magical powers. No, it wasnt because his gang gave him a lecture on how only goths slice themselves. (which they did).
It was because his balls were too sizes too small!
And so Jerkoff and his skater friends went back to school. The ladies liked Jerkoff again because his penis grew back,
and he joined in on their orgy action. The emo kids took his magic tool and went to play with it. The skaters hit
eachother with their skateboards, Mr. Tardlard died of AIDS, and the hippies crashed the magic carpet and blew up in a
flaming ball of acid.