June 21, 2011
We can't tell the future, so why does this feel so terrible?
I don't even know what'll happen from here. No control anymore. This
site is anonymous, right? Let's keep it that way, just for this
account. Today is day one! June the
twenty-first.year 2011 It's a Tuesday, and you
ruined everything. Back up, I lied. You didn't ruin a single thing,
but can't you agree that he did? The most intelligent person! How
could he? Only because I am who I am? What am I to you two? Questions
will remained unanswered until you get back. My hopes were up for two
days ago. It was supposed to go something like this:
out of the window from the cigarette I held. You were finally in my
view, my heart began to beat rapidly. Memories flooded my brain and I
almost drown in excitement. The smile, you claimed to love, spread
genuinely across my face! I hopped out of that small white car as you
approached and opened my arms to your embrace. Best hug to welcome you
back! No, it did not happen that way because he won't let me
see you or even speak to you. Well, guess what? I'd say he already
knows since he is so intelligent, but I'll tell him: I won't be
as offended as I will be hurt. Thank you! So much! For? Ruining what I
built up. He tore it down to make himself happy. Maybe he just wants
to see how hard I'll try. Maybe I'll give up, just so he's satisfied.
Maybe it's okay that I'll never see you again. I know I'll survive,
just not happily. I'll never know how you feel about him making your
choices for you since maybe the day I hugged you, knowing you'd be
gone a long time, maybe I somehow knew in the back of my mind it'd be
the last of anything we'd ever share. I still love you. Until I can't
anymore, I will.
edit #1. Same day.
I'm not going to let my frustration get in the way; I'll keep trying.
That's all there is to do; Am I right? Keep moving.
June 22, 2011
I haven't slept in days, and it's getting worse. I wish sleeping was
easier, but I worry about sleep. Paranoid of everything, like I've
always been. I wish I could talk to you and see you. Right now I want
you the most. More than I ever have, because I miss you. I
wasn't expecting this long of a wait, but I'm going to be patient or
try. I'm curious of how you're feeling right now.
June 23, 2011
Almost out of cigarettes and been getting higher than ever. Drugs and
alcohol don't fix any problems but always make things seem better. I'm
having fun in the summer, but I can't get you off of my mind. I'm
still frustrated, it's pretty lame.